Can two glasses be ferried in a single container without knocking and even cracking each other? Certainly not, and similarly, you cannot be in a marriage relationship without clashing and having to seek marriage counseling. Ideally, differences of any kind are not bad at all. Actually, it is through such disagreements that relationships grow on to levels of better understanding. But when a couple continues to differ at an alarming frequency without showing any signs of reaching a lasting agreement, then that is a real cause for concern.
Generally speaking, it may be a challenge to tell whether your marital challenge is of the nature that requires the services of a marriage counselor. While searching for a therapist, you may knock on several offices before you finally get your ideal fit. Thankfully, counseling experts have leveraged their practice and experience to isolate categories of people who tend to profit the most from these services. The questions listed below will help you identify your category and determine whether you need relationship advice or not.
- Are you always judging, labeling and criticizing one another?
- Are you angry and utterly contemptuous of another?
- Do you live below the poverty line?
- Are you both defensive and unapologetic?
- Is there a wide gap in your levels of education?
- Do you subscribe to different religious beliefs
- Do you often withdraw from one another?
- Do you come from a dysfunctional family?
- Are you struggling with unfaithfulness, abuse or addiction?
- Do you believe your communication is ineffective?
- Did you get married while too young?
7 common reasons why you need to consult a marriage counselor.
Effective communication is critical in every social relationship and more so in marriage. It can be quite frustrating and disappointing when a married couple is struggling to connect. Poor communication opens room for speculation, and this eventually pulls out behaviors and reactions that may only worsen an already bad situation. A lot of couples who are experiencing marital problems quickly say, “There really is no communication happening between us”. The truth however is, every couple communicates. The main issue is how effectively the two of you communicate. Do you hit mutual levels of connection and understanding when you talk to one another?
When you strongly feel that your spouse is not listening to you or they seem not to understand you at all, then this is an open crack in your cable of communication. It shows that your relationship is hurtling straight into trouble and all you may need to do at this point is to sign up for marriage advice.
Lack of openness
Can you imagine finding out that your spouse borrowed a huge loan without your consent? What about stumbling on chat messages that suggest that they are entertaining someone else emotionally? It has been proven beyond doubt that a relationship of any kind can best thrive on the ideals of trust and honesty. It, therefore, spells doom to your marriage when you are not free to share deep stuff with your spouse. If an office colleague is flirting and tempting to lure you into a relationship, the best option is to open up and share about it with your spouse. This will bring them on board with the necessary reinforcement to help you fend off the wayward intruder. The same applies to finances and other areas of mutual interest. But when there is a continuing lack of the will to trust your partner with your most intimate affairs, then it is a sure sign that you need the services of a relationship therapist
Are disagreements normal in a marriage? Of course, they are. In fact, it should concern you when you do not differ on some issues. A disagreement may mean that you are simply being honest and expressing your thoughts and opinions. However, some couples differ more than others. Even so, you have to moderate your arguments so that they do not escalate into abusive or violent altercations.
You should see the red flag when arguments recurrently flare up even over small matters. When the situation graduates to this level, then you know that it is time to seek for a couples counselling session
On your wedding day, you solemnly swore to live with, to love, and cherish your partner without entertaining any other offers from those jostling for your attention. You, therefore, owe it to your partner to protect your relationship unto death. Unfortunately, when the initial sparks of love subside, due to reasons such as familiarity, weaker partners in the marriage, easily lose focus and start seeking for emotional relief from other close relationships.
They will, for instance, accept nice compliments and other offers from those who look interested in pursuing them. It does not take long before such a person gets emotionally attached. Once you cross this line, it is imperative that you seek help immediately, unless you are hell bent on breaking up your marriage for good.
Financial misconduct and dishonesty
Your financial character has a huge impact on the welfare of your marriage. Do you lie about your spending habits? Are you the controlling type that unnecessarily demands to know how every cent was spent by your partner? Or have you hidden all your money in places where your spouse does not know at all? Such misconduct is a sure recipe for marital disquiet.
Since finances largely determine the family’s welfare, both of you need to be as transparent as possible. A lot of marriages have broken down because one partner secretly borrowed a loan and the only time their spouse learned about it was when auctioneers came knocking the gate with a notice.
Occasionally declare your debt situation
It is very important to update your partner about your debt situation. A certain husband was going through some tough financial times. Without sharing with his wife, he started borrowing cash from friends, relatives, and acquaintances who sympathized with his plight. Over time, his debt accumulated way beyond his ability to repay.
At this point, some of his debtors became quite aggressive in their quest for repayment, but since he could not repay, he decided to pack and relocate to another city. His wife only learned about his critical debt situation when it got to the point where he had to disclose the real reason why they were relocating. A couple in such a situation certainly needs marriage enrichment counselling to save their relationship
Lack of quality time spent together.
A marriage relationship is like a never-ending construction project. At no point can you say we have arrived. You always have to invest quality time and resources for it to remain alive and keep growing. You need for example
- To attend most public functions like wedding parties together.
- Identify regular outings like monthly shopping and do it together.
- Watch favorite shows together
You do not necessarily have to be together all the time but strategic bonding time has to be factored in your daily or weekly schedules and honored religiously. When a couple stops to miss the time they would ordinarily enjoy spending together and start living like roommates; then it is time to look around for assistance.
Poor sexual relationship
Sexual intimacy is a very important aspect of any meaningful marriage. It is really fun and also makes you feel awesome. This union builds your levels of trust, emotionally connects you to your spouse, and boosts the general welfare of your relationship.
There is no doubt then, that a low sexual drive can kill the joy in a marriage relationship. Several factors have been found to cause this challenge and they include:
- Medication side effects
- Long lasting illnesses
- Hormonal changes
- Alcohol abuse
- Mental health and Stress
- Low self-esteem
- Low testosterone
- Addiction to pornography and masturbation
Apparently, most introverts freak at the prospect of opening up to someone regarding their bedroom affairs. This is all temperamental, but those who have overcome their fears and visited a therapist in good time have been assisted to overcome their libido struggles. Help in such a case is more effective when your reasons for the weak libido are emotional in nature.
Does Marriage Counseling Work?
Most couples who are contemplating to try counseling services seem to be having many questions in common and these include:
1) Does marriage counseling really work?
2) Can marriage counseling save my marriage?
The answers to these questions actually lie with the person who is seeking counseling services. Some of the factors that may determine whether the service will work for you include:
- Did you take too long before seeking help? If so, then the damage done may be too severe to repair or it may require a lot more time, patience and goodwill from both the man and woman for the counseling to bear fruit.
- Do you really want to get help? Some people are not keen on getting help. Instead, they are out to simply mitigate their guilt.
- Is there violence or abuse in the marriage? This vice must be totally eradicated before you expect any genuine results.
- Does this plan for assistance really meet your needs? Do not just take in the advice out of compulsion. The plan for recovery must be relevant and one that you are comfortable with.
Marriage counseling is real and it works when done at the right time by the right experts. Today, many relationships are back on their feet because the couples in question cast off doubt and took the bold step to get help. Take action and save yours too!
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