120 best jokes ever- Warning, no holds barred!

120 best jokes ever- Warning, no holds barred!

Mediocrity should be avoided in all areas of life; that is why we only deal with the best jokes ever. Jokes are meant to give people a good laugh as for most times if not all, there is usually so much going on in life that sometimes, all you may need is a break. The older we get, the more complicated life tends to become as responsibilities gradually increase, among other things. Therefore, funny jokes come in handy to restore a good mood and share a laugh with our loved ones.

best jokes ever

Image: instagram.com, @bitc.h
Source: UGC

Today, jokes have become very common all over the world, especially those conveyed through memes since it is now easy to spread or circulate information and images to different people in a matter of seconds. Stand-up comedy has also become common, giving creative minds a platform to showcase their talents and share incredibly funny stories and jokes to their audience.

Best jokes in the world

A great sense of humor is one of the aspects that many people look for when looking for friends or a partner. This is because most people want to be around someone who makes hilarious jokes and quickly understands one when it is said. Therefore, you should know a couple of the best jokes ever so that you can constantly share them with loved ones and make them have a good laugh.

  • Do you ever think that bats are just rats that joined the air force?
  • Once you start going late to work, you can’t stop. This habit is worse than cocaine addiction!
  • Some guy was so high during his graduation that when they called his name, he was in the crowd clapping.
  • Being kissed while you’re asleep is one of the purest forms of love until you’re in prison.
  • Isn’t it interesting when you hear a girl called Faith saying that she can’t carry heavy luggage and you know that Faith can move mountains?
  • The horrifying moment when you are looking for an adult, then you realize that you are one. So, you look for an older adult, someone who is successfully adulting. An adultier adult.
  • Pierced tiddies taste like coins, and I’m all about that money baby.
  • I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public, I won’t have to talk to them.
  • Do you ever receive the ‘Where are you’ text and sit and decide where you are?
  • You are not entirely useless! You can always serve as a bad example.
  • If love is blind and still gives people a hard time, what if it had eyes?
  • I can’t believe school used to start before 9 am, and I used to make it.
best jokes in the world

Image: instagram.com, @daily.memes
Source: UGC

  • Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
  • Australians are simply British Texans.
  • I just hate it when people ask females over the age of 22 why they don’t have a child. Umm… Birth control, plan B, swallowing, abstaining… it’s a lot honestly.
  • Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  • A child can play with anything, including his mother’s breast but never his father’s testicles.

READ ALSO: 25 funny love quotes and sayings

  • Before getting into a fight with an ugly person, remember that they have nothing to lose.
  • All short people should be allowed to use their full pictures as passport photos.
  • You could give me 37 years to study for an exam, and I would still leave it until the last minute.
  • “Just say NO to drugs!” “Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.”
  • I once heard a skinny girl ask whether she might have passed out when other girls were being blessed with glutes.
  • When I was little, I used to feel like a boy trapped inside a woman’s body. Then I was born!
  • My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.
  • People that use selfie sticks need to have a good, long look at themselves.
  • Listening to someone’s story and you can’t relate because you’re not stupid.
  • A rescue cat is quite similar to recycled toilet paper. They are both good for the planet, but scratchy.
  • What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
  • The use of drugs gets a really unfair reputation considering all the glorious things it has given us like sporting achievement and rock ‘n’ roll.
  • The other day, I was playing chess with my friend and we decided to make things interesting. So, we stopped playing.
  • When you are asked to pick a password eight characters long and you pick Snow White and the Seven dwarfs.
  • The fastest means of communication is to trust a girl with a rumor and then make her vow not to tell.
  • My grandfather needs a chair in the shower and this makes him feel pretty old. So, to feel younger, he sits on it backwards like a cool teacher giving a lecture on drugs.
most hilarious joke

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Source: UGC

  • Do not argue with a fool because he will drag you down to his level and then beat you with experience.
  • I've spent most of my life avoiding war and conflict. This is why I hardly ever visit Syria.
  • I would really love to see an anti-aging advert with a baby covered in cream saying that they've probably used too much.
  • A guy was stuck in traffic sitting in his convertible minding his business. Without any provocation, someone walking by the footpath went up to him and pinched his ears.
  • I always wonder what color blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?
  • When you are entering the world’s tightest hat competition and hope you can pull it off.
  • No words can explain how much I hate World Emoji Day.
  • Kim Kardashian tried to break the internet but she did not succeed. However, she did leave a large visible crack.
  • I am certain that whenever my father says that he is looking down on us, he is not dead. He is just very condescending.
  • I’m not donating my organs when I die because we do not know what is in the afterlife. I’m not trying to pop up in heaven with a missing eye.
  • Looking at my face is like reading in the car. It’s alright for 10 minutes, and then you start to feel sick.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you are fat.
  • Insomnia is terrible. On the bright side, only three more sleeps to Christmas.
  • Guys who smoke cigarettes are weaklings. A little noise from the wife, light up a cancer stick. A little making love with their girl, light up a cancer stick.
  • My dad used to say that you should always leave people wanting more. Ironically, that is how he lost his job in disaster relief.
  • The thing is that we all just want to belong, but some of us are too short.
  • Languages are simply fascinating as different nationalities have their own ways of saying the same thing. Like the way a Scottish person would say that the band Snow Patrol are boring, but an Eskimo has a hundred words for how crap Snow Patrol are.
  • Studies show that the state of Oregon leads America in both clinical depression and marital infidelity. What a sad state of affairs.
  • I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect. I think it’s safe to say that I am perfect!
  • Since I stopped masturbating, I’ve really not felt myself.
  • If you have no idea on what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
  • Eye tests can be quite conflicting sometimes. You want to get the answers right, but you really want to have the glasses too.

Funny South African jokes

Have you ever told someone a joke and they told you that it was the most hilarious joke they ever heard? Well, to get more responses like that, discover the latest and most hilarious jokes used in South Africa. However, even if you are not South African, you can still use most of these jokes as well.

funny South African jokes

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Source: UGC

  • If you ask her “How are you?”, and she replies with “I am not fine”, do not ask for any further explanation. It is a trap! Just tell her, “May God be with you.”
  • When you lied about being broke to your poor friends, and now you have to starve with them to stay in character.
  • When you’re at the club then the DJ says that every girl should shake what their mama gave them, then you remember that your girlfriend was only blessed with a big forehead and all you can do is make dance moves that involve head movement.
  • If you doze off in church during the Sunday service, will you manage to sing in heaven for eternity?
  • Alcoholic? No, I prefer the term drinking enthusiast.
  • The only way to know that small things irritate is when you share a room with a mosquito at night.
  • People say that I’ve got no willpower, but I’ve quit smoking loads of times.
  • It is important to remember that firefighters fight fire with water before you go out there to fight fire with fire.
  • Why can’t a bike stand on its own? Well, it’s two tired.
  • Be careful of the man who stays calm and smiles in a crisis for he has already found someone to blame.

READ ALSO: Best sweet and funny love memes 2019

  • I cannot imagine that there was a time someone sat me down and wasted my time teaching me parts of a flame!
  • You can deny that you from South Africa until you are heard calling traffic lights robots and putting man at the end of every word that comes from your mouth.
  • It is interesting how a man with a running stomach always knows the direction of the door without anyone’s guidance.
  • I may not be the most muscular man; but at least my password is the strongest thing about me.
  • My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. It got me wondering how long the aisle is going to be!
  • I used to think that the brain was the most important organ until I discovered where that thought was coming from.
  • Since I cannot exercise for many hours, when I get back earlier than usual, my partner always asks if I’ve forgotten something.
  • You'd better consider learning sign language. It’s very handy.
  • You should not be begging anyone to see you. Are you an inmate?
  • One of the bravest thing I tend to do quite often is misjudging how much shopping I want and still not getting a shopping basket to carry the items.
  • If you believe nobody gives a hoot about you, dare to miss a number of credit card payments and see the love that you will get.
  • My mother told me that I don’t have to put anything in my mouth that I didn’t want to. Then, she forcefully made me eat broccoli, and it pretty much felt like double standards.
  • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. They then call me poor and ugly.
  • Tomorrow just wake up and wear your formal clothes, go to any company and start working. If they call the police, go to the police station and start working there too. If they take you to court, you work there as well.
funny South African jokes

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Source: UGC

  • If a child claims to know as many proverbs as his father, he/she should be allowed to pay taxes.
  • The difference between the South African football team and a tea bag is that the tea bag stays in the cup.
  • I broke my finger last week. On the hand, I’m fine.
  • Anyone who goes to bed with an itching anus should brace up smelly fingers in the morning.
  • Traditions are basically just peer pressure from dead people.
  • To South African mothers, your middle name is a designated warning sign.

The best jokes ever on relationships

Which is the funniest joke ever made on relationships? Honestly, it’s hard to tell because they are so many great jokes on this topic. Add more of these jokes to your collection.

  • Are you dating or you can explain?
  • It’s too hot outside! We can call my ex so that we can be around something shady.
  • The only thing that a man who hangs around a beautiful lady without saying a word can do is to fetch water during her wedding day.
  • Whatever glue is used to stick the imperial leather sticker on their soap, we need it for our relationships.
  • Being in a relationship today is tricky. Couples stay anxious like there is milk boiling in the kitchen.
  • When girls say that they care about what gets into their bodies and you know it’s not true because you have seen their exes.
funniest joke ever

Image: instagram.com, @marriage.memes
Source: UGC

  • The worst breakup is when the watchman announces it to you. You’re just informed that your partner said that you are no longer permitted to be inside the premises.
  • You stalk your ex, and I pretend mine passed away.
  • When you have fire nudes on deck but he’s only asking you about your personality and life goals.
  • A wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made! Choose your prison mate carefully and sentence yourself wisely.
  • Imagine coming home to a light-skinned husband. I’d rather sleep outside!
  • During a phone call, other person: No, you hang up first. Me: ‘hangs up.’
  • Stop trying to make everyone happy. You are not an orgasm!
  • Do lesbians ever leave their partners because they have small fingers?
  • I will not marry someone based on their looks but depending on how I feel around them. If our children decide to be ugly, that is their problem. I am already gorgeous.
  • Some girls are just lucky. The first crush becomes the first boyfriend, who later becomes their husband. For the rest of us, we have first to meet sons of Pharaoh, suffer in their hands, and wait for a miracle Moses to help us cross the red sea.
  • Why is it that the faithful boys are always the broke ones? Well, you need money to cheat.
  • Relax and enjoy your weekends. Don’t go over to his place to cook and clean. He won’t marry you.
  • Ladies, how old were you when you learned that the Y in ‘Your man’ is silent?
  • Girls always swear that you want their man. No girl, I want you! You are the one paying the bills.
  • My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
  • When you use his phone to call the plumber and your phone rings!
  • My ex used to ask me to send her a text once I got in. That’s how small the man ‘down there’ was.
  • Single people should have monthly meetings to discuss the way forward.
  • Girls after one month of talking to a boy: ‘I need a new toy.’
  • I am in a love triangle with me, myself, and I.
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  • I am usually so naive that when my first boyfriend asked me to do missionary, I traveled off to Africa for six months.
  • If you ever have to force someone to love you, it will probably be shit. So similar to a fart.
  • Right when I met my woman, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.
  • I am single by choice. My former partner’s choice, though.
  • I once asked my mum what a couple is, and she told me ‘two or three’. That probably explains why her marriage failed.
  • My grandma was recently beaten to death by my grandpa. Not as in, with a stick. He just died first.
  • Relationships are a lot like mobile phones. You will look at the older version of your iPhone and remember how it would only take a few moments to turn it on.
  • My last girlfriend treated me like a piece of meat and I hated it. She was vegan and refused to touch me.

Try using some of your favorite jokes from the ones listed above and see if you won’t be praised for making the best jokes ever! Be the kind of person that people eagerly wait to hang out with because of your great sense of humor.

READ ALSO: 50+ hilarious wedding jokes and quotes that will crack you up

Source: Briefly.co.za

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