Red flags in a relationship: 20 warning signs that scream "run!"

All relationships have ups and downs, but some harm our mental and physical well-being. Knowing the red flags in a relationship will save you from these toxic partnerships. Read on for the top 20 telling signs to note when in a potentially toxic relationship.

According to UN Women, around 736 million women worldwide have experienced violence from romantic partners, which makes up one in every third of women globally. But, this is not exclusively a women's issue, with many men not reporting partner violence out of shame or fear of judgement.

What are the red flags in a relationship?

Identifying the signs of a harmful relationship can be tricky. What are the 20 red flag symptoms? Here are potential signs, sourced from mental health sites such as Calm and Verywell Mind:

20. Extreme jealousy

One of the most notable red flags in a new relationship is extreme jealousy. Some may consider a certain amount of jealousy as 'healthy' since they feel it shows their partner cares. However, jealousy that leads to controlling or aggressive behaviour may be a sign to pump the brakes on the relationship.

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19. Limited trust

Trust is a subjective topic, as some feel trust is earned, and others feel you should trust your partner until they break that trust. However, unwarranted, excessive trust issues may be a sign of controlling behaviour, or that your partner is potentially hiding something themselves and is projecting.

18. Lack of boundaries

All healthy relationships have boundaries, and if your partner intentionally disrespects those, it shows they do not respect you and the relationship. This could be anything from imposing on your time with friends.

17. Substance abuse

If your partner frequently uses illicit substances, it is a sign of dependency or addiction. These issues will put a strain on the relationship as they will likely prioritise their dependency. The side effects of addiction, such as agitation, paranoia, or aggressive behaviour will also hinder your quality of life.

16. Past infidelity

Most see cheating as a deal-breaker, but your partner's dating history is just as important as how they conduct themselves in your current relationship. If they have a notable history of infidelity in their relationships, it is a reliable indicator that they may do it again.

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15. Codependency

Partaking in activities together is a normal part of a healthy relationship. But, if your partner wishes to spend every waking moment with you and gets upset when you wish for time apart, it is a sign of codependency. Codependency is unhealthy for both parties, creating a sense of suffocation and exacerbating unhealthy attachment issues.

14. Frequent changing of friends

People outgrow friendships as they age, but if you notice your partner has a high turnover rate regarding friendships, there is cause for concern. Constant changing of friends shows that they are either unable to maintain lasting connections, or their friends are choosing to end their friendship with them for a significant reason.

13. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of the most common red flags, best explained as when your partner convinces you that a situation's reality is not how you see it. By convincing you that you saw or experienced the scenario differently than what happened, they alter your perception of reality over time. This enables them to continue their toxic behaviour.

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12. Stonewalling

Stonewalling is when your partner completely shuts down or ignores you following a fight, behaviour, or scenario that they disapprove of. Although taking time apart is not considered unhealthy, intentionally ignoring your partner as a form of punishment is considered emotional abuse.

11. Violent outbursts

Most individuals already know that physical abuse is a clear sign to leave a relationship. However, some do not realise that violent outbursts may be an indicator of future violence. Punching walls, breaking objects, and threats of violence usually escalate over time to physical abuse.

10. Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is one of the relationship red flags often overlooked or misunderstood. Breadcrumbing refers to an individual sporadically communicating with someone to keep them interested in a relationship, without planning to commit. This is also relevant to an existing relationship, used to fake a long-term future for short-term gain.

9. Name-calling

Many couples playfully tease each other and can be considered a healthy thing within reason. However, name-calling, picking on insecurities, or insulting your partner under the guise of it being 'just a joke' is an indicator of emotional abuse.

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8. Nitpicky behaviour

Nitpicky behaviour is described in layman's terms as someone picking apart everything you say or do. This constant criticism can be a sign of your partner's underlying issues with the relationship or a method to chip away at your confidence.

7. Love bombing

New relationships are intoxicating, and usually filled with lots of exciting date ideas, compliments, and words of affection. Love bombing takes these warm, fuzzy feelings to the extreme by displaying extravagant displays of affection, traditionally done to manipulate someone.

6. Speaking poorly about ex-partners

This sign is one of those dating red flags that are usually ignored, as bad break-ups can leave a sour taste in one's mouth. However, if your partner describes most or all of their exes as 'crazy' or exclusively blames them for the relationship's demise, it showcases a lack of respect and accountability.

5. Lack of respect

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An overall lack of respect for individuals is a massive red flag in a relationship, even if it is not towards you. Individuals who lack respect for their peers, friends, family, or strangers display a sense of entitlement and that they see themselves as above others. This will also likely trickle into your relationship if it has not already done so.

4. Undermining you in front of others

Your partner should never undermine you, as that is a clear sign of a lack of respect for you. But, your partner undermining you in front of others is public humiliation and can lead to you believing you are not good enough. It can also serve as a control tactic, making others believe you are the problem if you go to them regarding your partner's toxic behaviour.

3. Victim mentality

A victim mentality is described as believing you are always a victim in every circumstance, and something bad will always happen to you. This mindset is not only unhealthy for the individuals with it but also for their relationships, as it alleviates any sense of accountability for poor behaviour.

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2. Controlling behaviour

One of the biggest red flags in any relationship is controlling behaviour. Controlling behaviour can include controlling how you dress when you see your friends and family, and who you are allowed to speak to. This level of control serves to isolate you, to exert forms of abuse further.

1. Physical abuse

Even if you consider someone your soulmate, physical abuse is the number one indicator of a toxic relationship that may turn fatal, and a sign you should leave. Many perceive physical abuse as the most extreme violent act, but other acts such as grabbing, pinching, and shoving are also abuse and will lead to more extreme acts of violence.

How is jealousy a red flag in a relationship?

Jealousy is a natural emotion within relationships, sparking confusion about why it is considered a red flag. Although feeling jealousy is normal, excessive jealousy can lead to controlling and toxic behaviour.

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Green flags in a relationship

Now that you know what to avoid, what are the green flags to look out for? These are some of the most common signs you are in a healthy relationship:

• Respect
• Trust
• Transparency
• Empathy
• Communication
• Accountability

All relationships have ups and downs, with disagreeing and negative emotions all being part of a normal relationship. However, being able to identify the red flags in a relationship helps you avoid being stuck in a toxic partnership without realising it too late.

DISCLAIMER: This article is not sponsored by any third party. It is intended for general informational purposes only and does not address individual circumstances. It is not a substitute for professional advice or help and should not be relied on to make decisions of any kind. Any action you take upon the information presented in this article is strictly at your own risk and responsibility!

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On the topic of couples, Briefly.co.za wrote an article regarding what couples can get up to if they are in Pretoria. Finding new things to do together separate from the typical dinner and a movie can be challenging.

What are some fun things to do in Pretoria for couples? Read on for 25 exciting activities to choose from.

Source: Briefly News