“You’re Better Off Without Him”: Woman Shows How Partner Weaponises Incompetence, SA Outraged
- A woman recorded her man's kitchen sink, stacked high with dirty dishes and clogged with food residue, before moving to show other dirty areas of the house
- In a video shared on TikTok, she further revealed a kitchen counter covered in takeaway boxes and crumpled paper bags, a sign of meals long eaten but never cleaned up
- The clip sparked outrage online, with many social media users urging the woman to stop 'mothering' her partner and recognise his lack of effort as a sign of disregard
- Briefly News had the pleasure of speaking with Penny Holburn, a psychologist, life, career and business coach about weaponised incompetence in relationships.
Source: TikTok
Weaponised incompetence is a toxic dynamic that can strain relationships, placing an unfair burden on one partner while the other avoids responsibility. It occurs when one person deliberately does tasks poorly, or avoids them entirely, forcing their partner to pick up the slack. This uncaring and unfair behaviour can frustrate the other partner and may lead to resentment.
A woman, TikTok user @simplytess33, shared a clip of the state of her man's home, exposing his obvious neglect of household responsibilities, unsettling many social media users.
Man leaves home in a mess
The clip shared by @simplytess33 shows the kitchen looking like a disaster zone. The sink overflows with unwashed dishes, many covered in hardened food residue. The draining section is clogged with scraps, making it clear that cleaning was not a priority. Inside the fridge, rotten bananas and expired meals sit untouched, filling the space with an unbearable stench.
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The mess extends beyond the kitchen. The countertops are buried under empty takeaway containers and creased paper bags. In the bathroom, there's an unwashed toothbrush with visible toothpaste, and the shower is unusable due to a clogged drain.
Watch the TikTok video below:
Weaponise incompetence in a relationship
The Briefly News team had the honour of speaking with Penny Holburn, a psychologist, life, career & business coach, we asked her what are the effective ways to address weaponised incompetence in a relationship without escalating conflict. She said:
"It depends if this is the first time it has happened. If previously the person was clean and tidy, then it is about finding out what went wrong. If this is how the person always behaves, it is having a discussion to explain what is or is not acceptable and why.
The 'why' bit is important in communication. Often people will justify 'why' they do what they want, when adding the 'why', it can make it easier to get someone to accept your boundaries.
We asked Penny how someone can set boundaries to prevent this kind of behaviour. She added:
"You want to communicate what is not acceptable. And don't be vague - be very specific. If it happens again, then set consequences - and you must stick to those consequences. So if it happens again apply the consequences."
The team asked why some people resort to weaponised incompetence, and whether or not it is always intentional. The expert said:
"Some people are terribly messy, and some people have always had others pick up after them. It may be intentional or it may not be. You want to determine if it is intentional, in which case there is a problem in the relationship, and this is passive-aggressive behaviour, or if that is just how the person always is.
Weaponised incompetence is passive-aggressive behaviour in that the perpetrator is angry about something and doesn't know how or want to communicate what is wrong, so resorts to upsetting someone and communicating their unhappiness in this way. Other passive-aggressive techniques could be stonewalling, refusing to discuss an issue, going slow or ignoring someone."
SA outraged by the man's lax behaviour
The clip sparked a heated discussion across social media platforms. Many users expressed anger, urging @simplytess33 to stop enabling her partner's behaviour. Others cautioned against mothering him, saying in the long run, that would be an issue as he would not understand the reason why he needs to take care of his mess.
Source: Twitter
User @SouthEastWinter shared:
"Being single is not that bad, hey. Ke sharp. Thanks 👍🏾"
User @Alexis💕 said:
"You're better off without him sis, and that's the God honest truth. You will absolutely flourish when you get rid of him!"
User @LONDONTHEEMOGUL added:
"Don't make us feel bad for you because you won't leave! You'll clean up after it every time, lol."
User @NM🤍 said:
"Weaponised incompetence is deliberately doing something wrong to avoid ever being asked to do anything. This is not that, that’s just how the man is, which is far scarier."
User @GK_Nyambura advised:
"Don’t fix it."
User @fay fay was in disbelief, commenting:
"Toothbrush is very personal and tells a lot about the person or maybe you enabled this behaviour 💔"
How to tackle household chores as a couple?
According to Verywell Mind, household chores can lead to conflict in relationships, especially when there’s a lack of clear communication and division of labour. Here are some helpful tips to reduce tension around chores and maintain a happy home:
- Communicate openly: Discuss household responsibilities and set clear expectations for each other. Honest conversations can prevent misunderstandings.
- Share the load equally: Avoid one partner taking on most of the work. Aim for a balance that works for both of you.
- Create a chore schedule: Organise chores by assigning specific tasks on certain days. This ensures everything gets done without confusion.
- Show appreciation: Acknowledge each other’s efforts and show gratitude for completing tasks. Feeling appreciated can motivate both partners.
- Be flexible: Understand that some days one person may be busier than the other. Be willing to adjust and help each other out when needed.
- Find solutions together: When disagreements arise, work together to find a fair compromise.
3 Briefly News articles about men and their homes
- A man had many online users shocked after seeing his filthy home, which he shares with chickens.
- A man shared a video, performing his home duties, paying attention to detail while carrying out his chores, leaving online users impressed.
- A local man shared a video of himself polishing his floors, explaining he chose to buy a house over paying lobola and now handles the cleaning himself.
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Source: Briefly News
