“I Feel Like I’m Part of the Furniture in the House”: Woman Struggles With Marriage, Expert Advises
- A troubled woman said that she is struggling with emotional neglect in her marriage
- The wife feels that her husband pays more attention to other women than he does to her
- The relationship expert advised her to foster an open and honest conversation with her hubby
Anonymous wrote: "I feel lost in my marriage. My husband no longer cares for my emotional needs. I feel like we are disconnected. The man who once made me feel special and loved now acts like I am part of the furniture in the house.
"He often compliments other women in front of me but never tells me I'm beautiful. When I told him I noticed how he pays attention to other women yet disregards me and my feelings, he just laughed it off.
"I still want to save our marriage, but I don't know what to do. I am afraid that if not addressed, this may lead to a breakup because I am already exhausted morally. How can I reconnect with him and make him understand my feelings?"
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Expert encourages open and honest communication
Paula Quinsee founded Engaged Humans. She is a certified Imago Relationship Therapy educator and facilitator, NLP practitioner, PDA analyst, and international speaker and author.
Speaking to Briefly News, certified relationship therapy educator Paula Quinsee said communication and understanding are essential pillars in any relationship.
"Share with your husband how you are feeling without blame or accusation, focusing on his particular actions that have impacted you using 'I' statements, for example, 'I feel neglected when you compliment other women but rarely acknowledge me.' This approach can help prevent defensiveness and encourage conversation."
The husband may not be aware of his actions
Paula said the woman must also try to understand her husband's perspective because it is possible that he has underlying issues and is not aware of his hurtful actions.
"Try to understand your husband's perspective as he may not be aware of the extent of his behaviour and the impact it is having on you. There may be some underlying issues that he's not consciously aware of and unpacking them through these conversations together can bring you closer.
"You may want consider couples therapy to help you both address underlying issues and improving your communication skills within your marriage in a neutral and supportive space."
Work on bringing the spark back into the relationship
The expert concluded that the couple need to plan regular date nights to bring the spark back. She also emphasised the importance of having patience in the process.
"You can look to nurture your connection and intimacy in your relationship through planning regular date nights or activities that can help you reignite the spark and strengthen your bond while small gestures of affection and appreciation go a long way in rebuilding trust and intimacy.
"A caution that rebuilding a connection takes time, effort, and mutual commitment from both partners, so manage your expectations while being patient, open, supportive and understanding of each other will go a long way in getting you back on track again."
Disclaimer: Advice given in this article is general and is not the views of Briefly News. It is not intended to influence a reader's decisions. Readers are advised to seek professional help before making any decisions.
Do you have a story to tell? Want an expert's advice? Please email us at contact@briefly.co.za with 'Ask an expert' in the subject line.
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Source: Briefly News
Sinothando Siyolo (Editor) Sinothando Siyolo is a Human Interest Writer at Briefly News. He holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) degree from the University of Cape Town (UCT), with majors in Media and Writing, Politics and Governance. Before joining Briefly, Sinothando worked as a Content Producer for Hibari Media and as a News Content Producer for The South African (TSA). He has the ability to write across various sections - News, Human Interest, Politics, Entertainment, and Business. He joined Briefly in 2023. You can contact Sinothando at s2pinyana@gmail.com
Paula Quinsee (Certified Relationship Therapy Educator and founder of Engaged Humans) Paula Quinsee is the founder of Engaged Humans, facilitating connection between individuals and organisations to create a more human-connected world. She is a certified Imago Relationship Therapy educator and facilitator, NLP practitioner, PDA analyst, coach and trainer. Paula is also the author of two self-help guides - Embracing Conflict and Embracing No - as well as an international speaker, advocate for mental health and activist for gender-based violence.
