“All He Does Is Work and Sleep”: Counsellor Advises Married Mom of 4 Who Feels Like a Single Parent

“All He Does Is Work and Sleep”: Counsellor Advises Married Mom of 4 Who Feels Like a Single Parent

  • A 37-year-old opened up about her struggle with parenting as a stay-at-home mom even though she has a present husband
  • The mother detailed that she is married to a high-earning man, but she feels like she still needs help in the household
  • The mother of four asked for help as she feels like a single mother, and relationship expert Shelley Lewin spoke to Briefly News about parenting in marriage
Anonymous wrote: "I am a 37-year-old full time mom, married with four children aged 2, 5, 7 and 10 years old, but I feel like a single mom because I do everything by myself. I cook, clean and homeschool all the kids. My husband is the breadwinner and is a high earner, but I don't want to complain because he works longer hours and all he does is work and sleep,. How can I address it without making him feel guilty?"

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A mother of four seeks advice after feeling like a single mom
A mother of four sought advice as she feels like a single mom despite being married. Image: MoMo Productions / Jay Yuno
Source: Getty Images

Relationship guru discusses communication in marriage

Personal and relationship coach Shelley has been working in the industry since 2006. The relationship expert started The Relationship Architect Coaching and Education as a certified SACAP (South African College of Applied Psychology) counsellor.

Shelley Lewis spoke to Briefly News and advised that women who need more support with child-rearing should communicate openly and assertively with their partners. Shelley said the mother must express her feelings to explain her need for a more equitable division of labour and parenting responsibilities in the household.

How to discuss parenting in marriage?

Shelley shared steps on how to approach a sensitive topic with Briefly News. First, the counsellor suggested that the conversation be brought up calmly and honestly, pointing out how overwhelmed one feels with shouldering parenting duties alone.

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Next, the woman must outline specific tasks or areas where they need assistance and make suggestions about how the partner can contribute. Shelley says that this helps to bring up the conversation constructively. She said:

"Approach the conversation with a problem-solving mindset, focusing on finding mutually agreeable solutions and collaboration rather than assigning blame."

Couples can get help from community

The expert also emphasised that setting realistic expectations and boundaries is important. It can be done by highlighting the importance of shared responsibility in maintaining a balanced partnership and supporting each other's well-being.

Finally, Shelley said seeking outside support from family members, community leaders, or even counsellors may also be necessary to ensure that communication goes smoothly.

Disclaimer: Advice given in this article is general and is not the views of Briefly News. It is not intended to influence a reader's decisions. Readers are advised to seek professional help before making any decisions.

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Do you have a story to tell? Want an expert's advice? Please email us at contact@briefly.co.za with 'Ask an expert' in the subject line.

Man torn as father expects him to become an engineer

Briefly News previously reported that a young South African man opened up about the dilemma of wanting to pursue a career different from the one his father wants for him

The 23-year-old shared that his dad wants him to become an engineer; however, his passion lies in music

Speaking to Briefly News, parenting counsellor Jonathan Hoffenberg of the Parenting Centre shared various factors to take into consideration for man to navigate his problem

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Source: Briefly News

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