“Give Them an Opportunity To Rectify”: Middle Child Feels Unseen by Parents, Expert Advises
- A young man who is a middle child at home said that he felt unseen and underappreciated by his parents
- The guy expressed that his siblings are always praised in the family, and that makes him feel left out
- Certified relationship therapy educator Paula Quinsee advised the gent to address the issue with his parents
Anonymous wrote: "I am the middle child in a family of five. My brother and sister are often praised for all they do right. But my mother and father only complain about me. My brother is the oldest and he is the "responsible, academic one", my sister is the young, blue-eyed girl and I feel like I am stuck between the two favourite kids.
"Maybe I am suffering from 'middle child syndrome' but it feels like I can't do anything right in my parents' eyes. I love my family, but feeling like I am constantly letting everyone down is making me depressed. How do I tell my mom and dad I feel like the black sheep of the family without them gaslighting me?"
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Expert says middle child syndrome is real
Paula Quinsee founded Engaged Humans, which facilitates connections between individuals and organisations to create a more human-connected world. She is a certified Imago Relationship Therapy educator and facilitator, NLP practitioner, PDA analyst, and international speaker and author, to name just a few.
Speaking to Briefly News, certified relationship therapy educator Paula Quinsee said the guy's feelings are valid and should be addressed.
"Feeling unappreciated or your accomplishments not acknowledged within your family can be incredibly painful and impact your self-esteem and self-confidence. Often people are unaware of how we feel as we seldom share our emotions for fear of hurting them – especially our parents.
"It's important to give them an opportunity to rectify this by sharing these feelings with your parents in a calm and rational way by giving them real examples of their actions and how this makes you feel."
The matter needs a careful approach
Paula highlighted how the child should approach his parents with the matter because it is sensitive and needs a careful approach. A wrong approach may result in worse outcomes.
"Avoid getting stuck in what may be seen as blaming or accusing them which can lead to defensiveness on their part – stick to using "I" statements to convey how their actions make you feel. Let them know that you love them but that you're struggling with feeling unacknowledged compared to your siblings instead of seeing you as an individual."
A third person might be needed to facilitate
She concluded that a third person, such as a family therapist, may be the best way to solve the youngster's issue.
"Going for family therapy could also be beneficial in improving communication and addressing underlying family dynamics and having a third party can help to encourage them to listen to you."
Disclaimer: Advice given in this article is general and is not the views of Briefly News. It is not intended to influence a reader's decisions. Readers are advised to seek professional help before making any decisions.
Do you have a story to tell? Want an expert's advice? Please email us at contact@briefly.co.za with 'Ask an expert' in the subject line.
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Sinothando Siyolo (Editor) Sinothando Siyolo is a Human Interest Writer at Briefly News. He holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) degree from the University of Cape Town (UCT), with majors in Media and Writing, Politics and Governance. Before joining Briefly, Sinothando worked as a Content Producer for Hibari Media and as a News Content Producer for The South African (TSA). He has the ability to write across various sections - News, Human Interest, Politics, Entertainment, and Business. He joined Briefly in 2023. You can contact Sinothando at s2pinyana@gmail.com
Paula Quinsee (Certified Relationship Therapy Educator and founder of Engaged Humans) Paula Quinsee is the founder of Engaged Humans, facilitating connection between individuals and organisations to create a more human-connected world. She is a certified Imago Relationship Therapy educator and facilitator, NLP practitioner, PDA analyst, coach and trainer. Paula is also the author of two self-help guides - Embracing Conflict and Embracing No - as well as an international speaker, advocate for mental health and activist for gender-based violence.
