“My Husband Threatens Divorce Too Often”: Expert Advises Lady on Troubled Marriage

• A South African woman says her husband is always threatening to leave her because she does not want to visit his family
• She says he prefers to spend the weekends with his family and not with her and asked for advice from an expert
• Qualified therapist, counsellor and neuroscience coach Candice Lambert told Briefly News how the woman can navigate this tricky situation

Anonymous wrote:

We have been married for 2 years, and my husband and I constantly fight because he wants me to spend time with his family every weekend, even when I may be tired or overwhelmed with work. Because of this, my husband threatens divorce too often. He sides with his family over me. He gave me an ultimatum and said that he would divorce me if I didn't visit his parents every week. I don't see why I have to visit them, but he prefers to spend more time with them than with me on weekends when I sometimes want a quiet weekend with him. What should I do?

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Counsellor gives troubled woman advice on how to handle husband's threats

Candice Lambert, who has a background in neuroscience coaching, psychology, and business strategy, is pursuing her Master's in Neuropsychology. She leads the Wellness Dialogue Group and supports families with the Teddy Clinic and Life Healthcare.

Speaking to Briefly News, Lambert said the reader must understand the importance of balance in their marriage.

"It’s important to understand that life is about balance and authenticity. This means that even though we talk about the 3 C’s for healthy and long-lasting relationships (Communication, Compromise and Connection), we always need to be able to maintain who we are with kindness and respect. Being able to be ourselves in a marriage means that we are seen, heard and validated and always in communication with each other," she said.

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They must consider couples therapy: Lambert

Lambert recommended that the couple consider couples therapy and listed why.

"It will be useful for the couple to explore the dynamics in their relationship with a therapist: The needs within the relationship mean the individual needs of the wife and husband, and then consider their current relationship goals. They need to be strong individually for their marriage and then be a source of love, comfort and strength when one might need to draw strength from their union.

"It will be helpful to explore the husband's need to see his family every weekend and how realistic it is based on the needs of the relationship and their goals, however, with the wife feeling overwhelmed with work and needing to rest, she needs to get the rest she needs and the connection time with her husband and draw from her safe community (which is usually the relationships she/we are in)," she said.

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Lambert also cautioned the husband against threatening divorce.

"I would suggest that we gently move away from threatening divorce because this fight-or-flight reaction can weaken the trust and safety in the relationship and so weaken the integrity of the marriage."

Woman asks advice for husband who won't pay papgeld

In a similar article, Briefly News reported that a woman in the process of divorce wanted advice on how to get her husband to pay papgeld.

He earns over R86,000 and works overseas but does not contribute financially to their children's wellbeing.

Advocate Kgalalelo Matabane advised us on what the law says about her situation and how she could get him to pay child support.

Source: Briefly News