"I Need to Come Clean to My Fiancé About a Child I Had as a Teen": Relationship Expert Weighs in

"I Need to Come Clean to My Fiancé About a Child I Had as a Teen": Relationship Expert Weighs in

  • A 30-year-old woman South African woman opened up about a secret she has been keeping from her partner of six years
  • In her confession, she disclosed that she had a child when she was a teenager whom she doesn't live with
  • She seeks advice on how to break the news about her secret child to her fiancé who recently asked for her hand in marriage
Anonymous wrote: "I'm a 30-year-old woman, and I've been with my man for six years. We recently got engaged, however I've been keeping a secret about a child I had back when I was a teenager. The child lives with an aunt in the village. I now want to come to my fiance as our lives and families are coming together."
Woman seeks advice on confessing about secret child
A woman seeks advice on how to tell her fiance she had a child as a teenager. Image: PeopleImages
Source: Getty Images

Relationship expert stresses the importance of honesty in relationships

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Professional relationship expert Shelley Lewin is the founder/owner of The Relationship Architect Coaching and Education. She is a certified SACAP counsellor in private practice and has been designing bespoke processes for intra-personal and inter-personal development since 2006.

Speaking to Briefly News, Shelley shared that opening up and being honest with your partner is essential in any romantic relationship because trust and communication are the foundation of a strong and healthy bond.

"Secrets can create barriers and misunderstandings, which can ultimately lead to feelings of betrayal and strain the relationship.
"In this situation, it seems like the woman has been carrying a significant secret about having a child as a teenager. It's understandable that she may have felt apprehensive or unsure about sharing this information with her fiancé, especially considering the potential impact it might have on their relationship."

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Shelley does, however, advise anonymous to focus on honesty and openness to build a strong foundation for their future together.

How to best break the news

In finding the best way to break the news to her partner, Shelley says it might be helpful for anonymous to reflect on her feelings about the situation first.

"Why does she want to share this now? How does she anticipate her partner might react? Understanding her own motivations and concerns can help her prepare for the conversation.
"She can then find an appropriate time and place to have an open and honest conversation with her fiancé," Shelley explains.

According to the expert, it is important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding and to create a safe space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings.

"She can start by sharing her own experience, being transparent about why she kept the secret, and expressing her feelings of wanting to be honest and build a strong foundation for their future.

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"During the conversation, it's important for her to listen actively and be prepared for different reactions from her partner. This can help foster a sense of understanding and empathy between them.
"Together, they can explore the impact of this revelation on their relationship and work towards finding a resolution that is mutually beneficial and supportive.

Every relationship has its turbulences

Every relationship is unique, shares Shelley.

"It's important for anonymous to trust her instincts and the bond she shares with her partner. By approaching the situation with honesty, empathy, and open communication, they can navigate this challenge and grow stronger as a couple."

Disclaimer: Advice given in this article is general and is not the views of Briefly News. It is not intended to influence a reader's decisions. Readers are advised to seek professional help before making any decisions.

Do you have a story to tell? Want an expert's advice? Please email us at contact@briefly.co.za with 'Ask an expert' in the subject line.

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Source: Briefly News

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