"I Love My Kids With All My Heart, and I Want to Help Them": Dad Seeks Help for Kids During Divorce
- A South African man opened up about going through a divorce from his wife, whom he no longer lives with
- The man shared that the divorce has been especially difficult for his children, who are withdrawn and anxious.
- An expert life coach, Penny Holburn assisted with helpful advice on how the dad can support his kids during the difficult time
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Anonymous wrote: "My wife and I are going through a divorce and no longer live together. While navigating this difficult situation ourselves, seeing the emotional toll it's taking on our children is heartbreaking. They seem withdrawn, anxious, and constantly worried.
"I love my kids with all my heart, and I want to help them so much. What are some concrete steps I can take, even though we're separated, to be a supportive dad and help them process this change? How can I maintain a sense of stability and security for them during this upheaval in their lives?"
Life coach explains how divorce affects children
Penny Holburn is a life, career and business coach. She has numerous local and international awards and 14 years of experience. She has worked with thousands of people, helping them reinvent their lives, get out of a rut, fix their relationships and manage stress, anxiety and depression.
Addressing anonymous' parenting issues on Briefly News, Penny stressed the inevitable reality of children being affected by their parents' divorce.
"Children will always be affected by a divorce, but in different ways. Their parents are breaking up, and this can be quite scary for them. They may not feel safe. They may wonder if they will be pulled in different directions or asked to take sides," Penny shared.
Penny added that younger children, in particular, are likely to find this experience very unsettling because they have no idea what the future holds for them or if they will still be cared for and loved.
Penny Holburn advises reassurance, love and honesty
The expert encouraged the anonymous dad to reassure your children that they are loved and to be open to answering their questions as clearly and simply as possible.
"Tell them they will be taken care of. Sometimes children think the divorce is their fault, so let them know that it is not. Don’t give complicated and long answers. Divorce is a time of uncertainty. Everyone likes certainty, but children especially need it."
Penny said the dad should also strive to maintain positive relationships with everyone in the family, including the to-be exes. She advised him against blaming and speaking badly about the other parent.
"Invite your children to discuss their concerns with you. Spend time with them alone and ask them how they are doing. If your attempts to reassure them don’t seem to be working then consider professional therapy for them."
Disclaimer: The advice in this article is general and does not reflect the views of Briefly News. It is not intended to influence a reader's decisions. Readers are advised to seek professional help before making any decisions.
Do you have a story to tell? Do you want expert advice? Please email us at contact@briefly.co.za with 'Ask an expert' in the subject line.
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Source: Briefly News
