30+ funny women jokes that will make the most stone-faced person laugh
You may benefit from giggling at a few light-hearted jokes if you are in a bad mood or need a good laugh. Luckily, we have sourced some of the best jokes online, so you do not have to. Here, we detail over 30 hilarious women jokes that will keep you entertained.
Source: Getty Images
Life can get stressful sometimes, and taking moments to yourself through light-hearted entertainment may be more beneficial than you think. The easiest way to do this is to read through some harmless jokes that both genders can find entertaining.
Jokes about women do not have to be sexist to be humorous, and we have found some female jokes that both men and women can enjoy without offence or negativity. We have gathered our favourites that everyone can enjoy.
The best women jokes online
Here are over 30 of the best clean jokes about women from all viewpoints:
Clean jokes about women
- 'My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone, and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.'
- 'Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? He is trying to figure out the combination.'
- 'My wife was going through her wardrobe and said: "Look! This still fits me after 20 years", I replied: "It's a scarf."'
- 'Is Google a man or a woman? A woman of course, because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a recommendation.'
- 'My wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she never can. She is telepathetic.'
- 'A woman is a lot like a telephone. She likes for a man to hold her, talk to her, and touch her frequently. But push the wrong button, and click, you’ve been disconnected.'
- 'It is my wife's birthday tomorrow, she has been leaving jewellery catalogues all around the house so I bought her a magazine stand.'
Source: Getty Images
Men vs. women jokes
- 'Son: "What's the difference between love and marriage?" Father: "Love is blind. Marriage is an eye opener."'
- 'I identify with football players because I know what it is like to spend your whole life training for a large, jewel-encrusted ring.'
- 'Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.'
- 'Why did the dead man divorce his dead wife? Because she was frigid.'
- 'Why do husbands usually die before their wives? Because they want to!'
- 'My wife wants me to blow air on her when she overheats, but to be honest... I am not a fan.'
- 'My wife just stopped and said: "You weren't even listening, were you?" I thought: "that is a pretty weird way to start a conversation."'
- Wives are like grenades; remove the ring, and then boom, the house is gone!'
- 'An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.'
- 'Little Johnny asks his dad: "How much does it cost to get married, dad?"; his dad replies: " Well, son, I'm not too sure, you see, I am still paying for it."'
- 'There are only two occasions where a man cannot understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage.'
Source: Getty Images
Feminist jokes
- 'Of course, women and men are different, but I do not get how a female can pour boiling hot wax on her thighs, pull all the hair out, including the roots, and still be scared to death of a bug.'
- 'What did the cannibal's wife do when her husband came home an hour late for dinner? She gave him the cold shoulder.'
- 'If love is "grand," what is divorce? A hundred grand or more.'
- 'Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I must let her in.'
- 'My wife says she is leaving me because I am obsessed with supermarkets. I said: "would you like any help with packing?"'
- 'An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said: ¨You look like a million pounds!¨ The wife divorced him.'
- 'What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.'
- 'If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing — either the car is new, or the wife is.'
Source: Getty Images
Best women jokes
- 'How do women make you a millionaire? When you are a billionaire.'
- 'My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. That is ridiculous! I didn't even know it was her birthday.'
- 'After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”'
- 'Marriage is tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.'
- 'You can tell much about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she is holding a gun, she is probably angry.'
- 'Why is girlfriend one word, but a best friend is two words? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.'
Both genders can enjoy most of these women jokes, and there is something for everyone, from clean jokes to more tongue-in-cheek one-liners and some stereotypical ones for the more open-minded reader.
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