- A Mzansi woman has spoken out about being polyamorous and choosing to be in non-traditional love connections
- Talking to Women24, the Capetonian said that she has realised that she is polyamorous just a few months before her 30th birthday
- The lady said that although she has been in both polyamorous and monogamous relationships, she realises now that she much prefers unconventional love
A Cape Town woman has opened up about being polyamorous and choosing to be in ethical non-monogamous relationships.
The lady said that while she has dabbled in monogamous and polyamorous pairings, she prefers untraditional and non-restrictive love connections.
Speaking to Women24, the Capetonian noted that she’ll be 30 years old in a few months and only recently realised that she is polyamorous.
While the woman had been in a polyamorous connection that lasted 14 months when she was 24, the lady noted that she thought it was a one-time dalliance.
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“At the time, he was married to someone else and told me upfront that he was polyamorous. I loved the little family we formed, consisting of myself, my boyfriend, his wife and her fiancée. I was willing to try out this new relationship dynamic if it meant I could keep my boyfriend and our family. But I didn't realise how toxic the relationship was until after we broke up,” she said.
The woman notes that she left the relationship because it was abusive, with the connection no longer as happy as it was in the beginning.
“He was extremely emotionally abusive; gaslighting, dismissiveness, name-calling, etc. He also cheated on me (yes, this is possible). It took a long time before I could process the hurt and trauma from that relationship,” she added.
The woman further noted that after her break-up from the polyamorous connection, she had been in casual relationships for two years before meeting the man she thought would become her husband.
“He was amazing. He was everything I thought I wanted. But he was also monogamous. I thought I was too. I lost myself in him. I realise now I made him the centre of my life instead of making myself the centre of my life,” she said.
The lady explains that she put her partner’s needs and happiness ahead of her own and although she had never considered getting married, her connection with him led her to reconsider her decision. Sadly, however, the relationship was not meant to be, and he ended up leaving her.
“Before him, I never wanted to marry anyone. I never wanted a conventional relationship. I didn't see myself being anyone's wife or doing the typical relationship trajectory, but with him, I thought I did,” she said.
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“I know now that it isn't what I want. What I want is love, intimacy, joy and understanding. That might come from one partner or many. I don't know yet, but I'm not going to limit myself,” she added.
The lady explains that she is now putting herself first and will not close herself off from love. She also believes that her feelings for one person would not overshadow her feelings for any other partners.
“I do know that I am capable of a lot of love,” she said.
“I think polyamory is beautiful and a way of finding connections with various people and not closing yourself off to any of those connections even if they change,” she added.
Debate around polyamory and polyandry in SA
There also remains a lot of contention around presumed untraditional relationship settings and polyamorous connections, whether there is marriage involved or not.
Polyamory life: Woman with 7 husbands says, "I satisfy all their needs”
In a similar story by Briefly News, a woman who got married to seven husbands has made stunning revelations about how she lives with her men.
She stated in a trending video that she has built them all a house each and caters to their needs.
The lady went on to reveal how she keeps them in check from cheating on her, saying she possesses ‘super powers’.
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Source: Briefly News