“It’s in My Nervous System”: Man Opens Up About the Emotional Weight of Black Tax

• A man shared how he struggled to spend money on himself, even for something important, while easily giving it away when family asked for help
• The story struck a nerve with many who admitted they face the same thing, constantly putting others first without realising the toll it takes.
• It opened up a deeper conversation about balance, showing how self-sacrifice can slowly become a habit that’s hard to break

Black tax is not always about sending money home or helping out when you can. Sometimes it’s the way you hold yourself back, even when you finally have something for yourself. It’s that quiet habit of putting your own needs last without even realising it.

TikTok user @mxolisiyende shared a video on 16 March 2026 while sitting in his car, opening up about his experience with black tax. He spoke about how supporting family members had become such a habit that it started affecting his ability to prioritise himself. The conversation was honest and reflective, focusing on a situation many people quietly deal with.

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He shared a personal example where he had been planning to buy a tablet to support his studies. Despite setting aside money for it, he found himself hesitating. When a relative later asked for financial help, he sent the money without second-guessing it, even though he had struggled to spend it on himself.

Struggles of prioritising self over others

User @mxolisiyende's reflection touched on a deeper issue, where saying no is not always the problem, but rather who that no is directed at. He explained that he often finds it easier to deny himself than to turn down others, even when it affects his own growth. It highlighted the emotional side of financial responsibility that isn’t always spoken about.

Many admitted they see themselves in his story, saying it’s common to prioritise family over personal needs. Others said it’s something they are actively trying to change, recognising that taking care of yourself is just as important as supporting others.

Check out the TikTok video below:

Here’s what netizens said

Leviticus Nehemiah said:

“I used to be like that, and it really affected me because I always wanted to please people even when it cost me my own well-being, but I learned to set boundaries over time, and now I take a step back before helping so I don’t hurt myself in the process.”

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Primeseasons said:

“This behaviour is psychological and often comes from childhood, where you felt like no one showed up for you, so now you try to be that person for others, but healing starts with doing small things for yourself and learning that your needs matter too.”

Mathews said:

“I’ve recently realised that other people’s emergencies, even those of my family, are not always mine to solve unless it’s life or death, so now I choose to give on my own terms and prioritise my child and my own responsibilities first.”

Siboniso Msibi said:

“Wait until the people you are helping start having their own money and do nothing for you, that’s when you realise you have been neglecting yourself, so it’s important to put yourself first because no one else will do it for you.”

Karabo said:

“Being a provider is not a bad thing, but you also need to invest in yourself first because things like education or tools can help you grow and eventually allow you to support others even better in the future.”

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BHALUME said:

“Keeping your money in investments with notice periods can help because it becomes harder to access immediately, which protects you from feeling pressured to give it away when people ask.”

Khumza said:

“Their lack of budgeting does not automatically become your emergency, and their problems should not always turn into your responsibility, especially when it puts you in a difficult position.”

Mtho'Kozisi said:

“We don’t prioritise ourselves enough and end up becoming emergency funds for other people, which slowly drains us without us even realising it.”

Passpen said:

“That has been me for a long time, but I am now learning to put myself first, and it’s not easy, but it’s necessary for my own growth and peace.”

Anwar Junior said:

“I keep delaying buying things for myself because I feel like I need validation or that something might come up, but honestly, I just need to start choosing myself sometimes.”

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3 Other Briefly News stories about black tax

• A young South African man led a conversation about how growing up in a black household can slow you down in life, sparking reactions.
• Bonang Matheba allegedly owes millions in unpaid taxes to the South African Revenue Service (SARS), and the news sparked outrage.
• A man went on a loud rant in a packed taxi about how the high VAT was taking too much of the people's money, while everyone sat in silence.

Source: Briefly News