"I Don't Want My in-laws Present During My Childbirth": Expert Advises Honest Communication
- A woman opened up about having a difficult journey with her pregnancy and wanting a private childbirth
- She shared that her in-laws insist on being present and involved during the birth experience from beginning to end
- The anxious mom-to-be expressed that she's against this as she wants the experience to be a special bonding time for just her and her husband
- An experienced life coach, Penny Holburn, shared helpful advice on how she can navigate the family's expectations
Source: Getty Images
Anonymous wrote: "My husband and I are expecting our first child after a long and difficult journey. We're on different pages when it comes to our parents being present during the birth.
"I crave a private moment for just the two of us to welcome our baby. He, however, sees no issue with his parents being there from the start. I'm also not that close with his parents. My parents are more understanding and will wait until we're ready for visitors.
"This is my first childbirth experience and the possibility of having strangers there during the process scares me a lot. I fear something going wrong because of the stress and I cannot take that risk.
"Am I being overly sensitive by wanting this special bonding time alone with my husband and newborn? How can we navigate this difference in expectations and ensure both sets of parents feel included while respecting our desire for privacy during the birth?
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Life coach advises the expectant mom to be firm about her needs
Penny Holburn is a life, career and business coach. She has numerous local and international awards and 14 years of experience. She has worked with thousands of people, helping them reinvent their lives, get out of a rut, fix their relationships and manage stress, anxiety and depression.
Speaking to Briefly News, Penny shared that giving birth is a very special time for a couple and they should be allowed to enjoy it how they wish to.
"You want it to be a special time to remember. And you want it to be special for you.You really don’t want to look back on it as a horrible experience. For this reason, if something scares you, or you are very uncomfortable about it, then try and get others to respect your wishes," the expert advises.
Penny suggested that Anonymous ask her in-laws why they feel the need to be present. Thereafter, she should explain that it's scary for her to have them present and also share her concerns about giving birth.
Penny tells mother-to-be to find middle ground with her in-laws
"Let them know it has nothing to do with your feelings towards them. It's about how you feel and your concern about the birth. Agree on what you can do. Maybe they can be outside the door and see the newborn baby once it has been born."
Penny said that the expectant mother should try and get them to understand why she doesn't want them present at the actual birth and work out something that will work for her and them.
"You don’t want to be scared any more than you need to be during the birth, so be firm as well in stating what you want and why, as well as communicating that you do understand why they may want to be present," Penny advised.
Disclaimer: The advice in this article is general and does not reflect the views of Briefly News. It is not intended to influence a reader's decisions. Readers are advised to seek professional help before making any decisions.
Do you have a story to tell? Want an expert's advice? Please email us at contact@briefly.co.za with 'Ask an expert' in the subject line.
Expert offers solutions for stressed gogo
In another story, Briefly News reported on a distressed gogo who opened up about how her adult son doesn't provide for his kids or pay child maintenance.
The elderly gogo, who only draws a small pension, explained the family matter and how her son earns a good salary but doesn't care for his two kids.
A family expert weighed in on the issue and provided solutions on how the gogo could alleviate her stress.
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Source: Briefly News
Nothando Mthembu (Senior editor) Nothando Mthembu is a senior multimedia journalist and editor. Nothando has over 5 years of work experience and has served several media houses including Caxton Local Newspapers. She has experience writing on human interest, environment, crime and social issues for community newspapers. She holds a Bachelor’s Degree and an Honours Degree in Media Studies from the University of KwaZulu-Natal, obtained in 2016 and 2017. Nothando has also passed a set of trainings by Google News Initiative. Email: nothando.mthembu@briefly.co.za
Penny Holburn (Founder of Penny Holburn Coaching) Penny Holburn is a life, career and business coach running her own coaching business since 2010. She has spent 20 years as a consultant in psychological assessment, organisational development, personal and business change, leadership development, coaching and counselling. Penny has majors in psychology and industrial psychology and an MSc Cum Laude in psychology and has completed a Senior Management Development Programme through Wits Business School.
