“Amajita Are Very Childish”: Zulu Man Explains Why He Stopped Hanging With Amajita, SA Debates
- A local man shared candid reasons for quitting large social groups of men, citing the pressure to always act tough and suppress feelings
- The emotional video was shared on TikTok, sparking a massive conversation among men about toxic masculinity and mental health
- Social media users agreed with his advice, and many men shared that they also attend therapy and have found their lives improved after cutting ties with similar groups
- Briefly News spoke with Langelihle Mngxati about leaving his "Amajita" group to escape toxic masculinity and prioritise his mental health
Source: TikTok
A Zulu man’s honest reflection on toxic masculinity resonated with thousands of viewers after he explained his reason for choosing to be a loner.
The video, shared on TikTok by @unclelang75, was met with a huge outpouring of shared understanding and support.
The video starts with @unclelang75 sharing his emotional message. He revealed that he was sick of having to pretend to be tough all the time. He explained that when around groups of Amajita (gents), men feel pressure to act as if they don't care or have feelings. He said there was pressure to pretend to be nonchalant even when they are emotionally vulnerable.
Addressing toxic masculinity
He noted that men are human and experience feelings like anyone else, adding that deep down, they know they are not the untouchable figures they pretend to be. He shared a personal experience, that he suffers from anxiety and attends therapy every week. He asserted that he knows himself and what he needs to do to get better.
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The Zulu man then offered strong advice to other men, urging them to stop hanging out with large groups of Amajita if they want their lives to improve. He noted that these groups often excel at highlighting each other's insecurities, and the moment one communicates their feelings, he is often told to stop acting like women. He questioned how one could ever tell the Amajita about things like anxiety, therapy, or even having a simple skincare routine.
Source: TikTok
Langelihle leaves Amajita, prioritising his mental health
We at Briefly News spoke with Langelihle Mngxati following his viral video on toxic masculinity
We asked him what specific event or personal realisation made him decide that the emotional cost of being in Amajita groups was too high for his mental health, and he said:
"Way before I even had the maturity and wisdom to articulate these things, something in me has always rejected this version of masculinity, from as young as age six. I grew up with an internalised belief that something was wrong with me because I didn’t have the instincts to bully or be as aggressive as we were expected to be; it felt so wrong to me. Though I was athletic, soccer wasn’t my strength, which made things even worse! I was good at other things, drawing, crafting and singing. But not playing or liking soccer was like a sin back then. I didn’t feel a sense of belonging in that environment. Soccer was the only means of killing time in my village back in the 90s. There was so much pressure, even from ekhaya to “go play with other boys”, I went to these environments against my will, forced to sit and take it all in. By the time I hit puberty, my relationship with the “emajiteni” culture was already complicated, and there was more intentionality on my end as far as not wanting to be part of this."
The team asked beyond discouraging emotional vulnerability, what the single most damaging behaviour within Amajita culture he believes prevents men from progressing in their lives. Lange shared:
"The 'roasting' culture is supposed to be normal and harmless, right? But oh no, Amajita take it too far, they use this to say some of the most emotionally and mentally damaging things to others with no form of accountability because “kuyadlalwa, it’s just a joke”. This is also where the mindset of “us versus them” when it comes to women is enforced. It always feels as though Amajita and their needs should always come first before the needs of your romantic partner/relationship. If you happen not to be okay with this, you face mockery disguised as jokes. You get teased with very emasculating jokes. Prioritising the needs of your girlfriend or romantic partner over amajita is a sign of weakness, which means that the woman is controlling you. They frame this and disguise themselves as “saviours”, like they’re saving you from inferiority."
We asked him how he finds effective and fulfilling ways to build authentic connections and support outside the Amajita traditional structure. The Zulu man responded:
"Stepping away from the fellas made me realise that men are actually very much capable of genuine and emotionally fulfilling connections. I can maintain healthy relationships with my fellow men in smaller groups or one-on-one settings. They seem to feel safer expressing themselves in small settings. Things always seem to fall apart once there’s a larger group, with more men who are emotionally unaware and less progressive. Suddenly, everyone is hardcore and tough and has to follow the script. It’s so exhausting for me!"
When asked what one core belief about vulnerability and toxic masculinity he hopes to instil in the next generation of young Zulu men. Lange said:
"I would tell younger people that masculinity is not a caricature that needs to be performed through certain behaviours associated with amajita or this broken sense of “brotherhood” that we’re all expected to foster. Masculinity is much more tender and gentler than we’ve been made to believe. Your strength lies in the most tender and gentle parts of you, not in how aggressive you can be. You should know that you have failed in life as a man if your masculinity causes others to go through life with fear, shame and self-doubt. Cry when you need to, normalise not suppressing pain, seek help! Going through life using the manual from “emajiteni” is the most dangerous thing. We see this behaviour even with our fathers and uncles, who fail to meet the basic needs of their families, but as soon as their friends arrive on the weekend, suddenly there’s money for alcohol. Some of the boys who were the most ideal boys when I was growing up are either in drugs, dead or in prison today. Pick your battles wisely in life!"
SA discusses Amajita
The clip went viral, garnering 1.2M views, 194K likes, and 6.4K comments from social media users who agreed. Many men validated his experience, sharing that they too suffer from anxiety, go to therapy, and take medication for it. Some noted that their lives significantly improved, with some even buying property, after they stopped associating with similar groups of men. Others noted how Amajita often make fun of small things, including basic self-care acts like clipping nails.
User @TheGreatLaz shared:
"They make fun of you for normal basic self care (cutting nails, etc) 😂."
User @Kasi Cinderella commented:
"This is what we mean when we say patriarchy has no favourites. It oppresses even those who are willing to uphold it. I'm glad you're refilling your cup, Bhuti. It's beautiful to see."
User @Lucky Lubisi shared:
"Amajita are very childish. I prefer chilling with amakhehla (old men)."
User @Legendary SFplayer commented:
"At my age, I stopped drinking and started rolling alone like a shark. My marriage is now 👌, and I'm a responsible father and a positive role model for my kids. No more stress."
User @DUJO_Entertainment shared:
"I was made a joke for getting married. Emajiteni, kune satanism nje (at the gents, there satanism)."
User @Her said:
"You'll go far in life ❤."
Watch the TikTok video below:
3 Briefly News articles about friends
- A young woman shared a video of herself and her two friends having fun, dancing, and flexing their driver's licenses at the groove, but online users were not impressed.
- A young man went to the groove with his friends wearing his graduation regalia and took centre stage, showing off his unique moves, leaving social media users in stitches.
- A woman and her friend collected bags full of empty cans at the groove while having fun, and Mzansi was proud of them for not being ashamed of their hustle.
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Source: Briefly News
