“A Door I’ve Shut”: Adopted Durban Woman Speaks About Hardships With Zulu Mum

• A Durban woman named Abigail Downs shared her adoption story after being fostered by a white couple
• Her biological mother was a Zulu woman who chose to give Abigail away soon after she was born
• Abigail shared how difficult life was after her biological mother's actions, which affected her adoptive parents for six years
• Briefly TV Life got an exclusive interview where Abigail unpacked her unique life story about growing up in a white setting

A woman from Durban shared her adoption story that challenged everything people assume about identity and belonging. Abigail Downs spoke to Briefly TV Life on 11 February 2026 about being adopted at a very young age by a white couple who raised her with complete love and acceptance.

Abigail was born in Durban and fostered from just a few weeks old. Her biological mother was around 17 or 18 years old at the time and didn't have a relationship with Abigail's father. She felt she couldn't look after a baby and gave Abi up for adoption.

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But something happened. Her biological mother had a change of heart and wanted Abigail back. This started a long and painful court case.

Legal fight between adoptive and biological parents

Abigail's adoptive parents, who were in their 50s when they took her in, had already lost two sons. They fought hard to keep her through years of legal battles. Her adoptive mother's weight dropped to 45kg due to the stress. The case was emotionally and financially draining, but they refused to give up. Eventually, Abigail was officially adopted when she was six years old.

She grew up in Morningside, Durban, before moving to the UK with her parents at age six. They lived there for six years before returning to South Africa when she was 12. Her entire upbringing was in a westernised, completely white setting. Her mother kept diaries from that difficult time and was always open about the adoption. Abigail never felt like she was missing anything or needed to search for answers.

Now 32 years old with a son of her own, Abigail's biological mother follows her on social media and wants a relationship.

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"It's awkward. It's a door I've shut, and it's not one that I really want to open."

She explained that the woman who gave birth to her is essentially a stranger. Opening that relationship would be for her biological mother's comfort, not for Abigail's benefit.

The hardest part of her story wasn't the adoption. It was the racism and aggression she faced, especially from Zulu adults who questioned why she didn't speak Zulu. She was called "coconut" and "Oreo" throughout her life. She hid most of the discrimination from her adoptive parents because she didn't know how to process it.

Abigail explained that she doesn't attach language to race because of how she grew up. She found it frustrating that people tried to put her in a box and got angry when she didn't fit their expectations.

Watch the YouTube clip below:

YouTube viewers intrigued by the adoption story

YouTube users had thoughtful responses to Abigail's story on the YouTube channel Briefly TV Life:

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@liveinwisdom3610 suggested:

"To be fair, Nolwazi, you can learn your home language. I think it will greatly increase your confidence..."

@hrl pointed out:

"But you'd already opened the door halfway by allowing her to follow you on social media..."

@lethohali defended:

"For her, 'home' is with her adoptive family. So she is essentially speaking her home language."

@233_o3v shared:

"A parent is not only a person who gave birth to you, but the one who brought you up. I had a baby at the age of 17, but I'm still with my daughter."

3 Other South African adoption stories

• Briefly News recently reported on Kelvin Johnson, who opened up about running away from his adoptive parents.
• Sara-Jayne Makwala-King discovered a hidden letter revealing her birth parents told everyone she had died after giving her up for adoption.
• Steven Ayanda shared his adoption story of being raised by a white family on a farm and the challenges he faced growing up.

Proofreading by Kelly Lippke, copy editor at Briefly.co.za.

Source: Briefly News