50+ funny and quirky messed-up jokes that should be banned
Messed-up jokes can be dangerous when people fail to find the humour in them. They are sometimes rude and insensitive and should only be applied when everyone involved shares the same twisted sense of humour.
Source: Getty Images
Jokes are good for elevating people's moods, but satirical jokes often cross the offensive line and could easily land you in trouble. Dark humour involves easily-offending subjects.
Funny messed-up jokes
Really messed-up jokes are funny to some people but often refer to things that are not talked about freely. Such jokes include:
- What is the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.
- I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
- Give a man a match, and he will be warm for a few hours; set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
- Were you born on a highway? Because that is where most accidents happen!
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
- If you watch Cinderella backwards, it is about a woman who learns her place!
- No, I do not think you are stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking!
Source: Getty Images
- What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble
- Why do cats make the perfect animal for experimentation?
Because they have nine lives
- Today, I asked Siri a question; Siri, why am I still single? Then Siri activated the front camera.
- Why do women hate copywriting?
Because there are just too many periods involved with it!
- What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer's and diarrhoea; you are running but cannot remember where!
- How do you know you are ugly?
When you always get handed the camera for group photos!
- My girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick the other day, but I accidentally handed her a glue stick. She is not talking to me!
- You are not a completely useless person. People can always use you as a bad example not to follow.
- When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I do not find it romantic. I think it is weird how many people carry knives during outings.
- What is worse than biting an apple and discovering a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm
- While watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked; Which one is yours?
I replied; I am still deciding
They looked horrified!
Funny stupid jokes
Source: Getty Images
- My grandfather says I am too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
- What makes sad people jump?
Bridges
- Why did the man miss the funeral?
He was not a mourning person
- During death by the electric chair;
Priest: Do you have any last requests?
Murderer sitting in the electric chair: Yes. Would you mind holding my hand?
- A patient and doctor conversation at the hospital;
Cancer patient: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten
Patient: Years? Months? Weeks?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
- In the operating theatre;
Patient: Oh, doctor, I am just so nervous. You know this is my first operation.
Doctor: Oh, we are in this together. It is my first time too!
- Why can't you get a book on how to commit suicide at a library?
You would not bring it back
- A man and woman are walking through the woods at night;
Woman: I am scared
Man: How do you think I feel? I have to walk back home alone!
Satirical boring jokes
Source: Getty Images
- Conversation with grandmother;
Grandmother: Most people your age are married by now. What about you?
Me: Most people your age are dead by now. What about you?
- What is the special meal in a restaurant for cannibals?
Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes
- Why did the old man fall into the well?
Because he could not see that well.
- I found a chest of gold coins in a hole I was digging in my yard. I was going to tell my wife, but then I remembered that the hole was for her coffin!
- I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none works.
- When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who passed away peacefully in his sleep and not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
- Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
Because they taste funny
Weird but funny jokes
Source: Getty Images
Try these weird humour jokes:
- I bought a dog the other day and named him Stay. It is funny to tell him, come here, Stay! He is going insane.
- Finding Nemo reminds me of my dad! I cannot find him either!
- Conversation between father and son;
Son: Did you get the DNA test results back?
Father: Call me George!
- When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back!
- What is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is heavy, and the other one is light!
- Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
It is always 90 degrees!
- I think a tree house is really insensitive. That is like killing something and making one of its friends hold it!
- Why was the tomato red? Because he saw the salad dressing!
- Why couldn't the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up!
Did you find the above messed-up jokes funny or boring? If they left you annoyed, then weird and boring humour is not for you!
READ ALSO: Happy Friday the 13th memes, images, quotes, GIFs 2022
Briefly.co.za published a list of happy Friday the 13th memes and quotes. Friday the 13th happens when the 13th day of the month in the Gregorian calendar falls on a Friday.
The day is associated with bad luck and is feared by many. You will often see a building without the 13th floor or an airline without the 13th row. In 2023, there are two such occurrences, including the 13th of January and the 13th of October.
Source: Briefly News
