75+ hilarious wedding jokes and quotes for speech and MC

75+ hilarious wedding jokes and quotes for speech and MC

Wedding jokes can make the ceremony a lot merrier and more fun, which is what it should all be in the first place. Your guests need to be entertained; one of the best ways to do this is to crack jokes. Fortunately, there are lots of jokes that can be used by the groomsmen, best man and even the couple or anyone else who wants to bring some fun to the whole process. Some of the most common ones are wedding MC jokes.

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Wedding jokes
Happy black newlywed couple at wedding among guests. Photo: pexels.com, @stewphotography (modified by author)
Source: UGC

While there are many reasons marriage jokes are used, the idea is to make the moment light and enjoyable. Some of these jokes are used purposely to convey a message that would otherwise be too serious. Check out the different jokes below to use for your friend's wedding.

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Wedding jokes and quotes

What is a good quote for a wedding? As you plan for the wedding, think about using a few getting married quotes and jokes that will make people laugh. Here are perfect examples to consider.

  • They say a wife is less angry with some chocolate in her mouth. Never forget this trick, man!
  • If there is one thing I have learnt over time is that when you are wrong and you shut up, then you are a wise man. In the same manner, though, when you are right and choose to keep the quote, you are definitely married.
  • Look how everything turned out, brilliant, right? Let's observe a minute of silence for the lilies, roses, and carnations that had to die for this moment to look this awesome.
  • I would like to give you all a heads-up. It is not my fault that you may experience something awkward once the music starts; I was told by the doctors about 23 years ago that I may never dance properly again.
  • Well, I will start by thanking the following people for missing to attend since the cost of the buffet per head goes down!
  • There is this trick every man should have at hand. When she gets really angry, hold her and remind her that you love her. If she growls like a bear, retreats quickly and throw her a piece of chocolate, it works all the time!
  • I know one thing for sure I will love you for the rest of my life, darling wife. I pray that all the days to come will be as merry as this one, hopefully not as expensive, though!
  • I would like to start by requesting that all the exits and entrances be made clear for the medical team outside to rush in as quickly as they can when we present my in-laws with the final wedding bill!
  • This one will work any day and any time; always keep the fights clean and your intimacy in the bedroom very dirty! This is a golden trick every married couple should master.
  • I would like to transfer some knowledge I just got from a friend I really trust. So, my brother and sister, it has been said by experts that the best secret in marriage is to argue naked. Try it out, and let us know when we meet next!

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Best wife quotes and jokes for wedding

Jokes for a wedding speech
Portrait of a happy bride and a groom. Photo: pexels.com, @wilfredtadjo (modified by author)
Source: UGC

You can be sure that telling funny jokes will definitely crack everyone in attendance. Here are great examples to consider.

  • I never knew what compost was until I met my husband.
  • Its been an emotional day; check out the cake is also in tiers.
  • Show me a marriage with humour, and I'll show you a healthy marriage.
  • Did you hear about the notebook that married a pencil? She finally found Mr Write.
  • A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
  • They say that love is blind but just note that marriage is an eye-opener. Get into it, ready.
  • You don't need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other's waves. - Toni Sciarra Poynter
  • A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. - James H. Boren
  • Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other's minimum daily requirements. - Kathy Mohnke
  • To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. - Ogden Nash

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Wedding jokes for MC

How do you start a wedding speech? As the master of ceremony, you can throw in one or two funny jokes depending on who is in the crowd. Either way, you need to have a few jokes lined up to break the monotony of the wedding speeches.

  • Keep your eyes wide open before marriage; half shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin
  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman
  • Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
  • The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. - Ann Bancroft
  • Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
  • I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. - Rita Rudner
  • A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
  • Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners" is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. - Bill Cosby
  • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

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Jokes for a wedding speech

What's a good wedding toast?
Bride and groom photoshoot. Photo: pexels.com, @gitstephengitau (modified by author)
Source: UGC

Speeches need to be fun, too, especially if they are wedding speeches. Whether you are the best man or a friend of the bride, your speech should not be too serious. Check out the following wedding jokes for speech you could try.

  • To the bride - she needs no eulogy - she speaks for herself.
  • Here's to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart.
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was always.
  • To the lamp of love: may it burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial
  • A husband is like a fire; he goes out when unattended. - Evan Esar
  • Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented!
  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner
  • May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.
  • A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries. - Anon

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Zulu jokes in English

jokes for a wedding speech
Happy bride with her friends. Photo: pexels.com, @stewphotography (modified by author)
Source: UGC

You can also invest in a few homemade jokes. These are very close to everyone from the region, and you can be sure they will laugh their hearts out.

  • Marriage is like a walk in the park but remember; it's a Jurassic park.
  • Remember that your wife will never argue with you if you are cleaning.
  • Keep in mind that some men will always view marriage as a matter of wife and debt.
  • Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor's degree, and the woman attains her master's degree.
  • Man has his will, but a woman has her way.
  • Marrying a man is like getting that thing you have admired on the shop window for a long time. You may like it when you get home, but it is not necessarily true that it will go with everything else.
  • A husband who wants a happy home must learn how to keep his mouth shut and chequebook open.
  • Marriage is not about age; it's about finding the right person.
  • In every marriage that is at least one week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is always to find more grounds for marriage.

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Wedding jokes and one-liners

What do wedding speeches say?
Happy newlywed couple with Holy Bible in garden during wedding celebration. Photo: pexels.com, @lovetosmile (modified by author)
Source: UGC

The best wedding jokes are the ones that make people laugh and cry. Here are great jokes and one-liners to get the guests giggling!

  • I'm only coming to your wedding if you get me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
  • What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newly-webs.
  • Did you hear about the two-bed bugs that were lovers? They got married in the spring.
  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
  • Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman
  • I love her, and that is the beginning and the end of everything. - F. Scott Fitzgerald
  • I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland, and he invades me. - Bette Midler
  • In my house, I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
  • What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
  • You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. - Nora Ephron
  • Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  • My mother told me that the secret to a happy marriage was never arguing; instead, I should keep quiet and crochet a doll.

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Christian wedding jokes

wedding jokes for speech
Wedding photography of a romantic couple. Photo: pexels.com (modified by author)
Source: UGC

Below are funny Christian jokes you can tell at a wedding event to make your guest laugh.

  • How does Moses make tea? He brews.
  • Why did the sponge go to church? It was hole-y.
  • How can you make God laugh? Tell him your plans.
  • Why did Moses cross the Red Sea? To get to the other side.
  • What is the best way to study the Bible? You Luke into it.
  • How long did Cain dislike his brother? As long as he was Abel.
  • What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas Eve!
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.
  • Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah? He didn't want to split hairs.
  • Why is David considered the best babysitter in the Bible? He rocked Goliath to sleep.

What's a good wedding toast?

What do wedding speeches say?
Group of women posing for pictures. Photo: pexels.com, @arlindogomes (modified by author)
Source: UGC

If you are looking for wedding reception speech or toast ideas, look no further than the examples below.

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  • Where there is love, there is life. - Mahatma Gandhi
  • May your hearts be as warm as your hearthstone.
  • May I see you grey and combing your grandchildren's hair.
  • Here's to the groom, a man who kept his head even while he lost his heart.
  • May you both live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.
  • There is only one happiness in life: To love and be loved. - George Sand
  • May all your hopes and dreams come true, and may the memory of this day become dearer with each passing year.
  • Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller
  • A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin
  • May you be friends with each other as only lovers can, and may you love each other as only best friends can.

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What do wedding speeches say?

When giving out a speech in a wedding event you should include the following:

  • Tell stories about the groom.
  • Congratulate the couple, especially the groom's partner.
  • Read out messages from friends and family who are not present.
  • Make a final toast to the newlyweds.

Include a few wedding jokes to make your wedding spicey. Nothing beats a wedding with a cheerful crowd and happy couples. A few simple jokes are all you need to get this done.

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