90+ funny breakup lines to make you laugh and heal without tears

90+ funny breakup lines to make you laugh and heal without tears

Healing from heartbreak can look like binge-watching Netflix, eating comfort food, indulging in self-care rituals, listening to depressing music, or just sobbing. Whatever you choose, these are all ways to heal from a broken heart. But the best medicine is laughter. Because of this, we have gathered some funny breakup lines to crack your ribs and help you heal fast.

Funny breakup lines
Discover over 90 funny breakup lines, quotes, and Instagram captions in this list to make you laugh and heal without tears. Photo: Sylverarts
Source: Getty Images

Breakups can be emotionally taxing and challenging, but occasionally, you need a good chuckle to get through it. This read has over 90 funny breakup lines to make you smile and help you look at the brighter side of things.

Funny ways to break up with someone

Breakups do not have to be ugly. Here are some funny breakup pickup lines to end things:

  1. Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
  2. I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my bum.
  3. Hey, babe, we should take our relationship to the previous level.
  4. Hey babe, it's about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore.
  5. I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
  6. Girl, you're looking like a snack, and I'm going on a diet.
  7. Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we're breaking up.
  8. I am still determining what I'd do without you, but starting tomorrow, I will try it.
  9. Are you a music fan? Because you are going to have a deeper appreciation for Adele's songs.
  10. If you take the "L" out of LOVER. It's OVER.

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Funny breakup quotes
Funny breakup quote: If you take the "L" out of LOVER. It's OVER. Photo: Jenny Dettrick
Source: Getty Images

11. Are you a New Year's resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks.

12. It is good that we're bad at puzzles because there is no way we're putting this relationship back together.

13. We need to cover more ground, so we should split up.

14. Hey babe, have you heard of the movie Other People? Let's see it.

15. I knew this girl in middle school who would break up with boys by saying: roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped, and so are you.

16. Hey baby, are you a Star Wars sequel? Cause I never want to see you again.

17. Are we tectonic plates? Because we're drifting apart.

18. Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?

19. I need to get like Elsa and let you go!

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20. Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.

Breakup jokes

Breakup jokes
Breakup jokes to make you laugh and temporarily forget about your heart break. Photo: Carol Yepes
Source: Getty Images

Here are some jokes to ease your mood when you are going through a brutal heartbreak.

21. The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.

22. Do you want to see a magic trick? You're single!

23. You are like my little toe, I keep stubbing you, and it hurts.

24. Thanks for being my partner; now we can be friends without benefits.

25. You are like a printer, you were suitable for a while, but now you keep jamming.

26. Our relationship might be a titanic that just hit a glacier.

27. You are not my cup of tea, so we must decaffeinate.

28. It's a good thing we're bad at puzzles because there is no way we are putting this back together.

29. You're like a broken record; all you do is repeat the same mistakes.

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30. We are like a deck of cards; we keep getting shuffled apart.

Jokes about breakup
Discover fascinating jokes about breakup to ease your mood. Photo: Francesco Carta Fotografo
Source: Getty Images

31. You're like a book; I'll never reread you once I finish you.

32. Hey, remember back when we were a thing? Yeah… Good times.

33. How am I supposed to forget you whenever I go outside and see things that remind me of you, like garbage cans?

34. Please don't be fooled by Adele. You'll never find someone like me.

35. I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

36. I'm no longer following my heart. It keeps giving me the wrong directions.

37. I like my relationships like I like my eggs — over easy.

38. I'm not crying because it is over. Instead, I'm smiling because you are finally someone else's problem.

39. Of all my mistakes, you were my mistakes!

40. Is it hot in here, or is this relationship suffocating me?

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The best breakup lines for him

Funny breakup lines for him
Here are funny breakup lines to use when ending things with him. Photo: Cemile Bingol
Source: Instagram

These lines come in handy when you want to end things with him:

41. I have a pet dog; he kisses like you, his breath is like yours, he pants like you. I love him dearly, but I wouldn't want to marry him. Let's part before this goes any further.

42. The Bible talks about forgiveness, but I'm sure Jesus would hold my purse while I beat you up.

43. Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives and make us want to leave footprints on their faces.

44. You're too young for me. I mean, too old. Are we the same age? Well, that doesn't work either.

45. My mother always told me to put things back where I found them. So I'm about to put you in your place.

46. I've wanted to say something since the day we met….goodbye.

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47. This isn't for me. Nothing personal. I want to be able to tell people – I'm single.

48. I used to think you took my breath away, but then I realized your issues suffocated me.

49. Breaking up with you on Facebook was the easiest way for me to let your friends know I was available.

50. My dog is having puppies, and I need to take a year off to train them to attack your picture.

51. You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my ice cream. My point is you're worthless.

52. The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

53. Why cry over spilt milk when you can laugh at it?

54. I used to believe in love at first sight, but now I believe in taking a second look.

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55. I don't need a relationship; I need a restraining order.

56. Some men break your heart in two, / Some men fawn and flatter, / Some men never look at you; / And that cleans up the matter.

57. I break up very well. I am an excellent breaker-upper.

58. Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.

59. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I at the beginning and U at the end.

60. Do you know sign language? Because this is the last time you'll hear from me.

What is the best line for a breakup?

Any of these lines never miss the mark. Check them out:

61. Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

62. You're the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.

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63. This relationship is like the Super Bowl LIII halftime show; I can't wait for it to end.

64. I am still determining what I'd do without you, but starting tomorrow, I will try it.

65. Hey, baby, are you American cheese because you come as a single now?

66. Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we are not seeing each other anymore.

67. Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.

68. What's your sign? Mine is stopped.

69. Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend getaway, and while I'm gone, you can pack your stuff and GTFO?

70. Are you a fire alarm because you are freaking loud and annoying.

71. We must be cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we're on a serious break.

Funny breakup quotes

Here are some of the funniest breakup lines that can help you get over your heartbreak quickly:

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Funny breakup quotes
Here are funny breakup lines to make you laugh and lighten your mood. Photo: Klaus Vedfelt
Source: Getty Images

72. When one door closes, another door opens. Usually, a refrigerator.

73. I thought I had found the one, but he was just the one to teach me a lesson.

74. Life is too short not to laugh at your ex's ridiculousness.

75. Crying over spilt milk is overrated. Laughing at your ex is way more therapeutic.

76. Love may be blind, but my ex was just plain oblivious.

77. Who needs a partner when you've got pizza and Netflix?

78. If love is a battlefield, I guess I'm a seasoned veteran.

79. Love is like a rollercoaster. It's thrilling, terrifying, and can make you throw up.

80. Breaking up is like pulling off a Band-Aid. Painful at first, but it's better than leaving it on forever.

81. I thought love was a battlefield. Turns out, it's more like a game of dodgeball, and I always get hit in the face.

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82. My love life is like a candle. It starts bright but eventually burns out and leaves a mess behind."

83. I'm not heartbroken; I'm just constipated from all the emotional turmoil.

84. If love is a drug, then my ex was my meth addiction. Fun at first, but I ended up losing everything.

85. Breaking up is like a math problem. You know the answer, but figuring out how to get there takes a while.

86. When your ex says, 'You'll never find anyone like me'. Say, 'That's the point'.

Funny breakup Instagram captions

If you are looking for funny breakup captions that will help you deal with the heartbreak by making a joke out of it, then consider these:

87. You used to be my cup of tea, but I sip champagne now.

88. Made like Elsa and decided to let it go.

89. No ring, No prob.

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90. Thank you, next-ing and thriving!

91. Single until I find a human I love more than chicken fingers.

This compilation contains funny breakup lines that can help end your relationship hilariously. Though the breakup sucks, these cheesy lines do enlighten the mood.

READ ALSO: Traditional kingklip recipes in South Africa: tasty fish dish cooked fast

Briefly.co.za shared a post unveiling traditional Kingklip recipes in South Africa to try. Kingklip fish is among the most expensive meals in South Africa. The name is from a Dutch word, 'koningklipvisch,' which means the king of the rockfish.

The fish has a low-fat content and a delicate taste. Some people describe its flavour as slightly sweet, while others term it meaty. Discover the best Kingklip recipes to try, including grilling and frying.

Source: Briefly News

Peter Kinuthia avatar

Peter Kinuthia Peter Kinuthia is a 2018 graduate of Kenyatta University with a Bachelor's degree in Health Services Management. With over five years of copy-writing experience about media, lifestyle, and health affairs, Peter has cemented a solid career in copy-writing/journalism. He previously worked with Ace My Homework before joining the Briefly team in 2017. With over 5 years of experience in Briefly, Peter has become a remarkable wordsmith. (Email: petekinuthia9@gmail.com)