70 hilarious nurse jokes, puns, and one-liners to get better faster
Nurse jokes, like jokes about any profession, are generally meant to provide lighthearted humour and camaraderie. They often play on stereotypes or everyday situations within the nursing profession, aiming to bring a smile to the faces of nurses or those familiar with the healthcare environment.
Source: Getty Images
The essence of nurse jokes lies in acknowledging the nursing profession's challenging and sometimes stressful nature while highlighting the work's resilience, compassion, and often humorous aspects. However, it is essential to be mindful of the context and ensure that the humour is respectful and does not undermine nurses' crucial role in healthcare.
Top 70 hilarious nurse jokes to get better faster
Humour is one of the best ways to lighten the mood and show someone you care. These 70+ nursing jokes will surely bring much-needed laughter to your day.
ICU nursing jokes
1. Why do ICU nurses make terrible comedians? Because they have too much experience with flatlines!
2. What's an ICU nurse's favorite type of math? It's a subtraction because they're always taking things away!
3. Why did the ICU nurse always carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood - and maybe correct some charting mistakes!
4. How many ICU nurses does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's the respiratory therapist's job. The ICU nurse is busy charting.
Source: UGC
5. Why did the ICU nurse become a gardener? They wanted to learn how to handle critical plants.
6. What did the ICU nurse say to the patient who was leaving against medical advice? "You're going AWOL? I guess it's time to call in the Code Brown!"
7. What's an ICU nurse's favourite type of coffee? Intensive Care-fee!
9. Why did the ICU nurse always have spare change? For the vending machine, of course! It's the only break they get.
10. What do ICU nurses do for fun? They have a Code Bluegrass concert!
11. Why did the ICU nurse cross the road? To get to the other side of the ventilator!
12. What's an ICU nurse's favourite type of music? Anything with a good beat for chest compressions.
13. How does an ICU nurse answer the phone? ICU, what's your emergency?
Nursing school jokes
14. Why did the nursing student bring a ladder to class?
Because they heard the course was a step up!
15. How many nursing students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but they'll need a semester to learn the proper technique.
16. Why did the nursing student become a gardener?
They wanted to learn how to handle IVy.
17. What's a nursing student's favourite type of humour?
Bedside humour - it's the best medicine!
18. Why did the nursing student study in the kitchen?
Because that's where you find the best "jugs" for fluid dynamics!
Source: UGC
19. What's a nursing student's favourite subject?
Needling their friends with jokes!
20. Why did the nursing student bring a pencil to the exam?
Just in case they needed to draw blood.
21. Why did the nursing student bring a mirror to class?
To practice self-reflection on their journey to becoming a nurse.
22. How does a nursing student stay calm during exams?
They take a deep breath and remember it's just a "practice patient."
23. Why do nursing students make great detectives?
They know how to follow the clues in a patient's medical history.
24. How does a nursing student make decisions?
They use the process of elimination, just like in multiple-choice exams.
25. Why did the nursing student carry a notebook at all times?
To document every moment, just in case it's a potential case study!
Emergency nursing jokes
26. Why did the emergency nurse always bring a pencil to work?
In case they needed to draw blood!
27. What's an emergency nurse's favourite game?
Operation – they always aim for precision!
28. Why do emergency nurses make great detectives?
They can quickly identify the "chief complaint."
29. Why did the emergency nurse always carry a stethoscope?
To make sure their heart is still beating after a hectic shift!
30. How do emergency nurses stay calm in a crisis?
They have a "stat" reaction time and a matching heart rate.
Source: UGC
31. What's an emergency nurse's favourite movie?
Fast and Furious – the shift change rush hour!
32. Why did the emergency nurse bring a dictionary to work?
To decode the doctor's handwriting, of course!
General nursing jokes
33. How do nurses communicate during a zombie apocalypse?
With dead-ication!
34. Why did the nurse bring a ladder to work?
Because they heard it was a step-by-step process!
36. Why did the nurse go to art school?
To master the art of bedside manner!
37. What's a nurse's favourite kind of humour?
Bedpan humour – it's where the good stuff is!
38. Why did the nurse become a musician?
They wanted to perfect the art of administering "melodious" medications.
39. How do nurses handle stress?
They take it one bedpan at a time!
Patient and nursing jokes
40. Patient: Doctor, I keep forgetting things.
Nurse: Well, forget about that. The doctor will be in shortly to help you forget everything else!
41. Patient: Why are nurses so good at playing cards?
Nurse: We know how to deal with hearts and flush out problems!
Source: UGC
42. Patient: I feel like a deck of cards.
Nurse: How's that?
Patient: I'm all shuffled up!
43. Patient: Nurse, I'm seeing spots!
Nurse: Well, that's because you have your eyes closed. We're still in the waiting room.
44. Patient: I'm afraid of hospitals.
Nurse: Don't worry, we only look scary on the outside. On the inside, we're just a bunch of softies.
45. Patient: Nurse, this medicine tastes awful!
Nurse: Well, try taking it with a slice of pizza next time. Everything tastes better with pizza!
46. Patient: I'm not sure I trust this new medication.
Nurse: Don't worry, it passed all the clinical trials. Well, most of them.
47. Patient: I think I'm a hypochondriac.
Nurse: Well, at least you're finally right about something!
48. Patient: Nurse, my memory is getting worse.
Nurse: Hmm, I already told you that three times today.
Hospital jokes
49. I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
50. Why don't skeletons fight each other in the hospital? They don't have the guts.
51. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URLologist.
52. Why did the nurse carry a red marker to work? In case they needed to draw attention to critical conditions.
53. Why did the patient bring a ladder to the hospital? They heard the treatment was up and down.
Source: UGC
54. What did the doctor say to the patient who tried to avoid their bill? You can't escape the healthcare system—it has excellent coverage!
55. Why did the nurse always carry a map? To navigate through the arteries and veins.
56. What's a surgeon's favourite game? Operation—it keeps their skills sharp!
Short one-liner nursing jokes
57. Why did the nurse become a gardener? To learn how to handle critical plants.
58. What's a nurse's favourite key on the keyboard? The "P" – it opens the patient's history!
59. How do nurses communicate? In patients.
60. Why did the nurse bring a pencil to work? In case they needed to draw blood.
61. Why do nurses make great detectives? They can quickly identify the "chief complaint."
62. What's a nurse's favourite coffee? Espresso – because it's a shot of life.
63. How do you know you're a nurse? You autocorrect your friends' grammar in casual conversations.
64. Why did the nurse wear a red shirt to work? To draw attention to critical conditions.
65. What's a nurse's favourite accessory? A stethoscope – it goes with any outfit.
Management nursing jokes
66. How many nurse managers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they delegate it and take credit for a well-lit unit.
67. Why did the nursing manager go to therapy?
To learn how to deal with their issues without charting them.
68. What's a nursing manager's favourite exercise?
Jumping to conclusions!
Source: UGC
69. How does a nursing manager stay calm during a crisis?
They delegate the panic to others.
70. Why did the nurse manager bring a dictionary to the meeting?
To define the terms of their leadership – literally.
71. How does a nursing manager make decisions?
By consulting the Magic 8 Ball, "Outlook is not so good."
72. Why did the nurse manager take up gardening?
To learn how to handle "root" causes.
73. Why did the nursing manager start a band?
Because they wanted to be in control of the rhythm and chart the success!
List of 10 funny nursing questions
- Why do nurses always carry a notebook?
To document the medication and dosage for their patients—or to jot down their next coffee order.
2. How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They delegate it to the nursing assistant and blame it on short staffing if it takes too long.
3. Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work?
In case they needed to draw blood or correct charting mistakes—multitasking at its finest.
4. What do you call a nurse who can't find a vein?
A lost cause-superior.
5. Why did the nurse wear a stethoscope around their neck?
It's the latest fashion—heartbeat accessories are all the rage.
6. How do nurses stay calm in emergencies?
They have a stat reaction time and a heart rate that matches.
7. What's a nurse's favourite drink?
Code Brew—because coffee is a lifesaver.
8. Why do nurses always have snacks in their pockets?
For those "code hangry" moments during long shifts.
9. How does a nurse answer the phone?
"Emergency Room, where every call is a code!"
10. What's a nurse's favourite type of humour?
Bedpan humour—it's where the good stuff is!
Source: Getty Images
10 nurse puns
- I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
- What's a nurse's favourite note? Get well soon!
- I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it—especially during night shifts.
- Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work? In case they needed to draw blood.
- The nurse's favourite kind of joke? An inside joke!
- Why did the nurse take up gardening? They wanted to learn how to handle critical plants.
- I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough. Now, I'm a nurse because I kneaded patients!
- Why do nurses always carry a pencil? In case they need to draw some blood.
- Why did the nurse carry a red marker? In case they needed to draw attention to a critical condition.
- How do nurses dispose of used needles? They needle them gently into the sharps container.
Laughter is the best medicine, and these funny nurse jokes are meant for lighthearted fun. It is essential to share them in a respectful and considerate manner. It is a way for people in the field to share a moment of joy and connect over shared experiences.
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