100+ funny jokes about getting old that will put a smile on your face
Getting old is a privilege that few get to enjoy, but it also comes with challenges. Since you only age once, why not entertain yourself and your loved ones with funny jokes about getting old? Below are 100+ jokes to tickle your funny bone!
Source: Getty Images
Changes in life are scary but inevitable, and you must find a way to navigate. Jokes are an excellent way to enjoy old age, which would otherwise be boring. A less serious life is a happy life!
Funny jokes about getting old
Put a smile on your loved ones' faces with these funny jokes about ageing:
1. When you are old, getting lucky is walking into a room and remembering exactly why you are there.
2. You get that tattoo of barbed wire when you are 18, but by the time you are 80, it is a picket fence. Robin Williams
3. When you were born, the Dead Sea was only sick!
4. Don't you wish that you were as old as the first time you thought you were old?
5. Do not stress about your eyesight failing as you age. It is nature's way of keeping you from shock when you pass by a mirror.
6. I am not saying you are old, but if you were whiskey, you would be expensive!
7. I am so old they have cancelled my blood type. Bob Hope
8. You know you are getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it. Larry Miller
9. I just need to make it to 34, and I have beaten Jesus at living. Sarah Millican
10. You are ancient if the doctor tells you to slow down and the police tell you to speed up!
11. What defies the law of gravity? Your age because it goes up but never comes back down!
12. What happens when you get older? It gets late earlier!
13. By the time you are wise enough to watch your step, you are too old to go anywhere!
14. You know you are ageing when your childhood toys are now collectables and antiques!
15. At my age, I have seen it all, heard it all, and done it all, but I cannot remember it all!
16. I am entering the metallic years with silver in my hair and gold in my teeth!
17. I asked my grandfather why aged people like to read the Bible; he said it is because they are cramming for the finals!
18. You know you are old when happy hour is nap time, the pharmacist becomes your best friend, when you are on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does, and it takes two tries to get up from the couch.
19. One good thing about getting old and losing memory is that I can hide my own Easter eggs!
20. I think I have the body of a teenager. I keep telling myself that I am not getting older, but it refuses to listen!
Source: Getty Images
Humorous jokes about old age
These getting old jokes will help you navigate the challenges of seniorhood;
21. As I get older, I find that I am using my glasses more. When I was young, I just drank straight from the bottle!
22. I just saw a grandpa help a youngster who was staring into his phone to cross the street.
23. You are ancient when you throw a party, and the neighbours do not realize it!
24. A prayer for senior citizens;
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference!
25. 'Poor old fool,' thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So, he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humour the old man and asked, 'So how many have you caught today?' The old man replied, 'You are the eighth.'
26. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
- Sally: Yes. A lock of my husband's hair!
- Meg: But Larry is still alive!
- Sally: I know, but his hair is gone!
27. An old man is driving when he gets a frantic call from his wife.
- Wife: Bernard, please be careful. I just heard on the news that there is a crazy driver on Route 80 driving the wrong way!
- Bernard: Honey, I hate to break it to you, but it is even worse than what they are reporting. I am on Route 80, and they are all driving the wrong way!
28. My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. 'You know,' he said to our grandson, Nick, 'It is not easy getting old. I guess I am in the fourth quarter now.' 'Do not worry, Grandpa,' Nick said cheerily. 'Maybe you will go into overtime!'
29. Having lost most of his hearing a few years ago, an elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to restore his hearing 100%. A month later, he returns to the doctor for a checkup, and the doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased. The man says, 'Oh, I have not told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I have changed my will three times!'
Source: Getty Images
30. Do not let ageing get you down. It is too hard to get back up! John Wagner
31. Wisdom does not necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself! Tom Wilson
32. Work hard and save money, and when you are old, you will be able to purchase the things only the young can enjoy!
33. To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house, and her elderly grandfather got out. The officer explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help.
'How grandpa?' my friend asked, 'You have been going there for 40 years!' His grandfather smiled and admitted, 'I was not exactly lost. I got tired of walking!'
34. An old man visits his doctor, and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him: 'I have good news and bad news. What would you like to hear first?'
- Patient: Well, give me the bad news first!
- Doctor: You have cancer, and I estimate you have about two years left.
- Patient: Oh no! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you tell me after this?
- Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months, you are going to forget everything I told you.
35. An elderly lady parked her car at a shopping mall and went inside to shop. When she returned, she found four men in her car and threatened them with her handgun. They fled, and she placed her shopping inside and sat in the driver's seat but could not get her key into the ignition. After countless tries, the car could not start, and the men returned with police officers. She then realized that her car was parked elsewhere!
Hilarious birthday jokes about getting old
Source: Getty Images
Old age jokes for birthday celebrations make the event memorable. Cheer your loved ones with these humorous jokes;
36. You know you are getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
37. You know your age is advanced when the candles cost more than the cake.
38. Allow me to suggest that this is the year you start lying about your age.
39. Do not worry about getting older. You are still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.
40. Congrats on reaching the wonder years! You wonder where your keys are, wonder what day it is, wonder where your car is parked!
41. For your birthday, I wanted to get you something to remind you of your youth. But they were all out of cave art and dinosaur bones, so I just got you this card!
42. It is good to be here, but at 98, it is good to be anywhere. George Burns
43. Why do all my relatives keep reminding me how old I am on my birthday? Because age is a relative thing!
44. A diplomatic man remembers his wife's birthday but not her age!
45. I am so ancient that I knew Burger King when he was still Burger Prince!
46. An elderly lady has two rich sons and one poor son. The poor son thinks of a gift that will excite his mother because he knows his two brothers will get lavish gifts for her 90th birthday. He buys a parrot and trains it to recite her mother's favourite Bible verses. After the celebration, she invites her sons to thank them;
- To the first son: She thanks him for the car and the chauffeur as she will get to church quickly.
- To the second son: She appreciates him for gifting her a new house with stair lifts and modifications that make movement easier.
- To poor son: She says, 'Son, I have to say you know me best. That chicken was delicious!'
47. Why you should not order a birthday cake for your ageing wife over the phone.
Man calls a cake vendor and orders a cake.
- Vendor: What message should I put on the cake?
- Man: Write, 'You are getting older, but you are getting better'.
- Vendor: How do you want that to be written?
- Man: Write, 'You are getting older' at the top and 'but you are getting better' at the bottom.
When the cake was opened, all the guests at the party started laughing. The message read, 'You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom!'
48. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! Larry Lorenzo
49. Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar Yung No Mo!
50. You can live to be a hundred if you give up everything that makes you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen
Source: Getty Images
Funny memes about getting old
There is no better way to make fun of old age than with these hilarious memes about ageing!
51. Ageing gracefully is the polite way of saying you are slowly looking worse.
52. You know you are old when dining out means catching the early bird special.
53. Old age is when you are faced with two temptations, and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock.
54. I wanted to look distinguished in my old age, so I grew a beard. It turns out the statement I am making is more like; Discount, please, I am a senior!
55. As you age, three things happen; The first is your memory goes, and I cannot remember the other two. Norman Wisdom
56. The shortest will ever written said, 'Being of sound mind, I spent all my money!'
57. Old age is always fifteen years older than I am! Oliver Wendel Holmes
58. Senior citizen texting code;
- ATD: At the doctor's
- BTW: Bring the wheelchair
- BYOT: Bring your own teeth
59. How three women who share birthdays celebrate it together;
- 40th birthday: They go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute.
- 50th birthday: They celebrate at the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable, and the wine list is good.
- 60th birthday: They spend the day at the Lakeview restaurant because it is quiet with a nice view.
- 70th birthday: They celebrate at the Lakeview restaurant because it is wheelchair accessible.
- 80th birthday: They go to the Lakeview restaurant because they have never been there!
60. How do you know you are getting old? When you trigger the alarm as you exit a museum!
Source: Getty Images
61. A woman waits for the stranger next to her to start a conversation. She grows impatient and says, 'Hello there, I am getting old here!'
The man replies, 'I know. That is why I am keeping my distance!'
62. Three older ladies discussing the trials of ageing;
- 1st lady: Sometimes, I find myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and cannot remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.
- 2nd lady: Yes, sometimes I find myself on the staircase landing and cannot remember whether I was going up or down.
- 3rd lady: Well, I am glad I do not have that problem! (Her knuckles hit the table) That must be the door. I will get it!
63. An older couple spends time together as the husband reads the newspaper and the wife looks at herself in the mirror. The lady exclaims, and the husband asks what is going on.
- Wife: Every time I look in the mirror, all I see is that I am ageing and getting fat and ugly!
- Husband: Oooh!
- Wife: I could use a compliment right now!
- Husband: Well, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your eyesight!
64. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. 'It is taped under the modem,' I told him. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, 'Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?' Sharon McGinley
65. An 84-year-old man went to the doctor for a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw him walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. The next time the doctor saw him, he asked how he was doing.
The old guy replied, 'Great. I did just what you told me. Get a hot momma and be cheerful.'
The astonished doctor replied, 'You misheard me. I said, you've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'
66. Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician. After several tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing well for his age. A little concerned about that comment, Edgar asked the doctor if he would live to be 80.
- Doctor: Well, do you smoke or drink beer?
- Edgar: I have never done either!
- Doctor: Do you eat steak and barbequed ribs?
- Edgar: No, I have heard that all red meat is unhealthy!
- Doctor: Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?
- Edgar: No!
- Doctor: Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?
- Edgar: No!
- Doctor: Then why do you want to live to be 80?
67. A young man sees an elderly couple ordering lunch at a restaurant. They buy a single meal with an extra cup. The man then divides the hamburger, fries, and drink in half for him and his wife. He starts eating as the woman looks on with her hands folded. The young man offers to buy them another meal, but they reveal they have always divided things in half. He then asks why the lady is not eating, and she says, 'It is his turn with the teeth!'
68. Three old ladies were walking down the street, and the wind was strong that they could not understand each other.
1st lady: Windy, isn't it?
2nd lady: No, it is Thursday!
3rd lady: So am I. Let's go and have a drink!
69. If you are over 60 years old, the advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier!
70. You know you are ancient when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!
Source: Getty Images
Dad jokes about old age
More jokes about being old to brighten your day!
71. How can you avoid getting wrinkles? Take off your glasses!
72. Did you hear about the 83-year-old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?
73. Why should you marry someone your age? As your good looks fade, so will their eyesight!
74. How do you get away with things when you are old? Call it a senior moment!
75. How can you tell you are ancient? If you go to an antique auction and five people bid on you!
76. If my body were a car, I would trade it for a newer model. Every time I cough, sneeze or sputter, my radiator leaks, and my exhaust backfires.
77. Why should people aged 60 and above use valet parking? The valet will not forget where he parked your car!
78. My mind says I am in my twenties, but my body says, 'Yeah, you wish you were!'
79. You are ancient if it feels like the morning after, but there was no night before!
80. I do not feel old, and neither do I feel anything until noon; then, it is time for my nap. Bob Hope
81. At my age, getting lucky means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for!
82. When I get old, I will not sit around knitting. I will be clicking my life alert button to see how many firefighters show up!
83. He is so old that he gets nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings!
84. I wanted to marry an archaeologist. The older I got, the more she would be interested in me!
85. A woman in her 50s was driving with a friend. She went through a red light, but the friend did not say anything. She went through another red light, and the friend asked, 'Do you realize you just went through two red lights?' The woman replied, Oh! Was I driving?
86. Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one wondered how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.
87. A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She replied, 'No peer pressure!'
88. Why is it easy to break into an old man's house? Because his gait is broken, and his locks are few.
89. What is the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance salespeople!
90. Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? She wanted to rock and roll!
91. What does a senior name their new ranch? Pasture Prime!
Source: Getty Images
Witty old-age jokes
More being old jokes to keep you entertained!
92. A cowboy was told that if he sprinkled gunpowder on his breakfast, he would live to a ripe old age. So, he did this religiously every morning and lived until he was 96. He left behind eight children, 24 grandchildren and 60 great-grandchildren, and a 16-foot hole in the crematorium.
93. I think about running away now more than I did as a kid, but by the time I put my teeth in, put my glasses on, and find my keys, I forget where I am going!
94. Men of 25 play football, men of 40 play tennis, and men of 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you age, the balls get smaller?
95. My grandma's memory is so terrible that she had to change her password to incorrect. Now she gets the reminder, 'Your password is incorrect' every time enters it wrong!
96. I do not call it getting old; I call it outliving the warranty!
97. You know you are ancient when you wear your belt above your belly button!
98. You are ageing when your childhood punishments like not going to a party, not leaving the house, and going to bed early become your treasured goals.
99. Every day I understand the phrase, 'I am getting too old for this stuff' on an even deeper level.
100. I called the cops on my own party last night because I was ready to go to bed!
101. Some people age like fine wine. I am ageing like the buy 2 get one free bottle of the driest red in the grocery store!
Source: Getty Images
Getting old can be scary because of everything that comes with it. The above jokes about getting old will brighten your day and make old age fun!
READ ALSO: 100+ cute, funny and goofy nicknames for your best friend
Briefly.co.za highlighted funny nicknames you can call your best friend. Nicknames are usually chosen according to a person's personality and are unique to an individual.
Using your friend's nickname in daily interactions signifies that you have invested a lot of time in the friendship. Go through the article to find out which monikers best describe your best buddy!
Source: Briefly News
